Lady Alanna
by tortallanrider
Summary: Thom had never seen his sister give up before. He wasn't sure how to handle it, so he took her lead and shut his mouth.
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

"That is my decision. We need not discuss it." Four eyes – two violet, two brown – stared down two matching sets of purple eyes.

"But, mama!" five-year-old Alanna of Trebond whined. "I don't _want_ to learn girly stuff!" She kicked up her legs, swishing her skirts.

Marinie of Trebond narrowed her violet eyes at her daughter. "You cannot take lessons with Thom and Coram and that's final."

"_Mama_," she whined again, this time sounding more frustrated. "Thom doesn't want to learn that stuff. I _do_!"

"It's not proper," the lady said between gritted teeth. "Do not argue with me, Alanna."

"Papa?" Thom asked quietly, looking at his quietly, scholarly father hopefully. "Please?"

"Do as your mother says," Lord Alan said with a sigh, rubbing his forehead. "But if you feel so inclined to argue, please do so outside of my study. I have work to do."

"You _always_ have work to do," Thom grumbled, hopping down from his chair. Alanna followed him from the room, shooting death glares at their parents. Once outside the study, she wheeled on her twin brother. He anticipated this. "Don't."

"But _Thom_-"

"_No_, Alanna." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You heard mama and papa."

Alanna sighed and stamped her foot. "It's not _fair_. You don't want to do that stuff. _I do_. You want to be let alone with your _books_ and your _magic_…" Her voice trailed off and she looked sad. Thom felt for her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," he suggested. "'Sides, I could always teach you archery and stuff…"

"_Would_ you?" she asked, suddenly hopeful. "I would teach you the magic stuff that Maude teaches me!"

"Really?" Thom's own violet eyes brightened. Alanna nodded vigorously and he grinned. "All right!" The twins linked arms, smiling happily at their agreement.

* * *

Five years later, the same twins stood across from the same adults, across the same table. They were taller now, but still looked remarkably similar. Over the last five years, they had dutifully attended their lessons – Alanna learning the basics of how to be a lady, and of magic, Thom learning fighting and hunting, the basics of being a knight – while secretly exchanging what they learned late at night. Now, armed with literature on lady knights and mage lords, they were prepared to argue with their parents again.

"I want to go to Corus," Alanna opened.

"And I the City of the Gods," Thom finished. They passed a parchment across the table. "It's not unprecedented. There was lady knights before-"

"And mages can run fiefs just as well as knights can. Besides, if I'm a knight, I can be here to help defend Trebond. And if Thom knows fighting magic-"

"We'll be extra safe." The twins smiled confidently. Knowing their father's scholastic tendencies, they had done diligent research.

"You want to be a lady knight?" Marinie asked her daughter, amusement dancing in her eyes. "And you a mage?" She directed this toward her son. The children nodded. The lady looked at her husband. "What do you make of this, Alan?"

He turned his brown eyes to his children. "I think it's ridiculous. What is this nonsense?" He picked up the parchment and scanned it, picking up key words and phrases. Shaking his head, he dropped it on the table. "Unheard of. No. Alanna will go to the Convent and Thom will go to Corus. That is how it is done."

"But things can change!" Alanna protested. "There was lady knights before-"

"And maybe there will be lady knights again," Alan said. "But you will not be one of them."

"_Why_?" she demanded. "What's the harm in me going for my shield?"

"This is not up for _debate_, Alanna of Trebond!" Marinie declared, standing up, eyes burning. "I've had quite enough of this nonsense from you. It's all well and good for you to learn from your brother, but a knight's life is too hard for a lady. I will not have you go to make a fool of yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a lady, miss, and its time you learned that." Mother and daughter matched each other stare for stare. They were both stubborn and proud to a fault. "You will leave for the Convent in three days," Marinie said, dangerously quiet. "Thom will ride south to Corus at the same time."

"You will not disobey us," Alan put in. "You will accept this as our judgment, as your parents, and you will go _graciously_ and _respectfully._" He glanced between his children. "Do I make myself clear?"

"You didn't even _listen_ to us!" Thom exclaimed. "You had your minds made up before we even came in! We did all this work-"

"Stop, Thom," Alanna told him quietly. "They aren't going to change their minds."

He turned on her, eyes wide. "Alanna-"

She looked back at him, fire burning in her teary eyes. "Don't make this any harder," she whispered. "It isn't worth the fight." Thom had never seen his sister give up before. He wasn't sure how to handle it, so he took her lead and shut his mouth, hanging his head.

"All right," he whispered. "I'll go to Corus."

"Thank you," the lady of Trebond said, stunned that her obstinate twins were being compliant for once. The children nodded and scooted out, heading toward their rooms in complete silence, tears rolling down their cheeks.

* * *

_The idea behind the story is basic: Alanna goes to the Convent instead of to Corus. Similar to what I did in "Lady Alanna and the Prince," but different. I'm definitely changing history, and the characters as I'm writing are different than they are in the book. Just a warning. Hope you enjoyed!_


	2. One

**ONE**

Three days later, the twins stood at the crossroads. Coram and Maude, their closest allies, hung back, waiting on the forks. "Well," Thom said, shifting in his saddle. Alanna winced, knowing it must have been uncomfortable for his pony. "I guess this is it."

"I guess so," Alanna said, avoiding meeting his eyes. She absently stroked her pony's neck. Still avoiding his gaze, she whispered, "I'm going to miss you."

Thom smiled softly. "I'm going to miss you too." The twins sat in silence.

"We had best get goin', lad," Coram put in, hating to break up their goodbye. The twins would not see each other for six years – until Alanna's presentation – unless some unforeseen circumstance brought them together before then. Thom nodded and began to turn.

"Wait!" Alanna's voice rang out. Thom stopped, turning his head to look at her. She threw herself off the pony and ran over. Thom jumped down and hugged her fiercely. They buried their faces and hugged tightly, imprinting the other's heat on their skin, inhaling deeply. "I'm going to miss you so much." Alanna couldn't imagine being without her twin. For ten years, they'd been inseparable. They did everything together, and more in the last five years as they taught each other.

"Don't get into too much trouble," Thom said with a smile, pulling back slightly. "Learn lots of magic for me." Alanna nodded, wiping a tear from her face. "You're crying!" Thom looked alarm. His sister never cried.

"No I'm not," she snapped. "You need glasses."

Thom smiled broadly. "That's more like it." Alanna swatted at him, and he let her, knowing things would be very different when they saw each other in a few years. "Bye, Alanna."

"Bye, Thom."

* * *

_Dear Alanna,_

_I've settled into the palace – finally. It took some time. There's a lot to adjust to. So far, I'm enjoying almost everything. The classes are interesting, but they work us very hard in the afternoons. I collapse into bed at night from sheer exhaustion. Coram says hello. He's working with the palace guard and helping to train in swordsmanship. He seems happy. I've made a few friends. Duke Gareth's son sponsored me – he's also called Gareth, but everyone seems to just call him Gary. He's quite big, but not quite as big as Raoul, another good friend. He's easygoing, but turns into a giant when he's angry! He hasn't got your temper, but who does? Then there's Francis, who's very quiet, and Alex, who's graceful and a brilliant fighter. And, last, but not least – I just wanted to save him for last – is Prince Jonathan. Yes, I've become friends with the Prince! He's the leader around here, not surprisingly. I think we'll grow to be good friends. I also spend time with Sir Myles of Olau, one of my teachers. He's like father, only far more welcoming._

_Well, I have to go to dinner now. Hope you've settled in well!_

_Love from your brother,_

_Thom_

_Dear Thom,_

_The Convent is terrible. I've made a few friends, but I hate being here. Gods, I'm bored out of my mind, and I've hardly been here two weeks! I'm jealous that you're enjoying yourself. All anyone here can talk about are curtsies and decorating and clothes and boys… I wish I were in Corus with you. I'm glad you've made friends. They sound lovely (I learned how to write a letter! Aren't you proud of me?). My friend Delia is jealous that you're friends with Prince Jonathan. I think she aspires to be his consort one day. Goddess knows she's beautiful enough. She wants to know if he's as handsome as they say. My other friend, Cythera, gave her a withering look when she asked that. Cythera is nothing if not practical. She's a bit like you in that way. They've already marked me as having magic, so I suppose I'll have lessons at some point. I may have to bribe the hostlers into letting me have a horse. Could you spare Coram for some nighttime lessons in archery and swordsmanship? A lady has to know how to defend herself, after all…_

_Love from your scheming sister,_

_Alanna_

_

* * *

_

_Dearest Alanna,_

_I write to you as a Tortall's newest squire. I shall spend the next four years in service to His Royal Highness Prince Jonathan of Conté. I've just moved into my rooms as I write this. Duke Roger has come to live at the palace. He's apparently tired of Carthak. Jon thinks he may have gotten into some mischief down there. His Grace is going to give us Gifted ones lessons, so I'll be learning magic from a real sorcerer, just like I wanted. I hope all is well at the Convent and you're learning how to hook a husband, or how to sew. I don't pretend to know what you learn up there. _

_Love,_

_Thom_

_Dear Thom,_

_Congratulations on being chosen as the Prince's squire! That's very exciting for you. And for me, since I'll now have an easy way of meeting His Highness! (I joke. I would never take advantage of you like that.) You're so lucky to be getting lessons from Duke Roger! I've been taking lessons with the Mithrans in magic. I'm learning all sorts of interesting things. I find time to ride, now that I'm nearing the end of my training. I'm not very good at sewing, but I have "mastered" conversation and etiquette. Shocking, I realize. Cythera and Delia have tutored me so we'll have more free time together. I can't wait to come to Corus. I'm tired of being here._

_Love,_

_Alanna_

_

* * *

_

A knock came at her door. "Lady Alanna?" a voice asked.

"You may enter." The sixteen-year-old redhead looked up from the book in her lap and at the servant now standing in her doorway. "Yes?" She smiled pleasantly.

"Your escort is here." The servant curtsied.

"Thank you." She tucked her book into one of the bags. It was finally time for her to travel to Corus, after six long years at the Convent. Thom offered to send her an escort from Corus, and her parents hadn't objected. They were glad that he had made friends. He'd kept the members of the escort a secret, so Alanna was intrigued. She doubted they would be knights, but perhaps Coram awaited her.

Her sensible fawn-colored dress swishing around her legs, Alanna walked down to the hall where all visitors greeted the ladies. There stood Coram, her old friend, some other guardsmen, and a man she didn't recognize. His hazel eyes sparkled in a way she liked, but his nose was really too big for him to be considered handsome. The mystery man wore simple breeches and a dark green shirt. "Coram!" Alanna brightened, hurrying down the stairs.

"Lady Alanna." Coram bowed deeply and took her hand to kiss it. "Ye've grown up since I saw ye last."

"I should hope so." She grinned. "You look exactly as I remember you." She turned her attention to the man standing beside him. "Hello. I don't know you. I assume you're a friend of my brother's?"

"I am." He bowed and came up smiling broadly. "The name's Cooper." Alanna inclined her head. He spoke with the same lilt Coram did – the lilt of a commoner.

"I'm glad to meet one of Thom's friends, though I'm afraid he's never mentioned you." She glanced at Coram, who shrugged. "Oh well." She flicked her long red hair over her shoulder. "Will we be getting underway shortly? I can't wait to leave."

Coram laughed. "Be patient, Alanna! We have t' get yer things together!"

Alanna watched as servants brought her things outside. "I'd say they're together. Please say you're letting me ride."

"If ye'd like." Coram shrugged, knowing he couldn't argue with her. He doubted the years had changed that.

"Of course I'd _like_." She looked down at her dress. "I'll have to change on the road," she said softly.

"Oh no," Coram warned. "I'll not have ye causin' trouble."

"Me? Cause trouble?" Alanna's eyes sparkled. "Never." The man called Cooper laughed. Alanna flicked her violet eyes in his direction. He met them with a smile and a wink. Her face slowly spread into a smile. She could like this "Cooper" fellow.

* * *

_It is very cool that ten of you have this story on alert after only one chapter. I'm looking forward to working on it, but I'm trying to make each chapter sound just right, so I can't promise that updates will come with any kind of speed. I have no pre-plan as to where this story is ending up, so asking is futile. I do, however, have a blog linked on my profile page where I may do some musing. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_I am so sorry it took so many tries for this to upload properly!  
_


	3. Two

**TWO**

Alanna had been in Corus for two full days before seeing Thom. Once afternoon, she waited out by the barns after his training session. The sixteen year old led a dapple-grey stallion, talking to a young man leading a black horse. Her brother's companion was tall and lean, with coal-black hair. He was too far out for her to see his eyes. As they neared, Alanna crossed her arms firmly over his chest. "Thom of Trebond!" she called, loud enough to be heard but quiet enough not to scare any of the horses. The two heads turned and Thom broke into a grin.

"Well, well, well," he said. "If it isn't my twin sister."

"You are aware I've been here _two days_?" Alanna asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. My apologies. I was kept rather busy by my knight-master." Thom indicated the young man who stood several paces behind, giving the twins their space.

She raised both eyebrows in surprise. "You mean that's the _prince_ back there?" She craned her neck and the young man gave a wave. She curtsied. "Your highness."

"Please." The heir to the throne moved closer to be even with his squire. "Thom has told me so much I feel that I already know you. There's no need for such formalities."

"Convent training dies hard," she warned. Her violet eyes flicked to Thom. "Where are you manners?" she demanded. "Are you going to give me a proper introduction?"

"Sorry!" Thom said, rolling his eyes. "Jon, this is my sister, Alanna of Trebond. Alanna, this is Prince Jonathan of Conté, the crown prince of Tortall. Satisfactory?"

"Yes." She looked at the prince. "Is he always this pert? Has no one beaten it out of him yet?"

"Not for lack of trying," he answered with a smile. "But we can't seem to shake it. Maybe you'll have more luck."

"Doubtful," Thom said. "From what I hear, Alanna gave the Convent quite a bit of trouble."

"That's not fair!" she protested. "I was hardly _bad_. Just… difficult." She looked down coyly. "But I came out all right. You'll see in a few days."

"I suppose we will," Thom said. "Now, can I put Mist away, or do you need me for something important?"

"Well, unless you consider catching up with the sister you haven't seen in six years important…"

Thom sighed. "Let me deal with my horse, and then I'll come find you, all right?"

"If it's a _hassle_, Thom, then don't bother. It's not as if I need you to show me around or get me accustomed to the palace. You're a terrible brother."

"If I promise to make it up to you, will it do any good?"

"Probably not, but you are welcome to try."

"I can show you around, if you like," Jonathan put in casually. "I'm sure you've seen most of what there is to see, but if you'd like another perspective on things, or short-cuts…"

"Oh, I wouldn't want to trouble you!" Alanna said, looking surprised. "Thom could do it, couldn't you, Thom?"

"I can find something for him to do." Jonathan smiled, white teeth blinding in a lightly tanned face. "There's always something."

"He's telling the truth," Thom grumbled. "If I'd known being the prince's squire would be this much work, I never would have agreed."

"I don't mind either way," Alanna said with a shrug. "Thom doesn't seem keen on the idea, and I'd love to hear the stories he never told me."

"Oh, I have plenty of those." Jonathan grinned. "It's settled then. I'll finish with Darkness here and then I'll show you around."

* * *

And so the prince took his squire's sister around the palace. In the middle of afternoon, not many people were about, so few people stopped them. Alanna acted fascinated even when she wasn't, but she suspected Jonathan could tell. There was a twinkle in his eye that told her he found some of this as boring as she did. "So," he said, as they reached the wing where the ladies were housed. "I hope I didn't bore you too much."

"Not at all." She smiled at him. "You have a pleasant voice to listen to."

Jonathan laughed. "I don't think I've ever received that _particular_ compliment before."

"There is a compliment you haven't received?" She acted surprised, putting her hand on her chest. "Color me shocked."

"I'm sure shocked isn't your most becoming color," he teased, blue eyes twinkling. Alanna felt her stomach turn over. Gods, he was handsome. Just as handsome as she'd heard during her years at the Convent.

"Well, I suppose you have things to attend to," she said, moving down the hall to get away from him. "Thank you for showing me around." She curtsied quickly. "I will see you soon enough."

"I hope so." Jonathan bowed ever so slightly, reaching out for her hand to kiss it. "In fact, I'm sure you can count on it."

Her cheeks colored. "Tell that brother of mine not to be a stranger, all right? Order him if you must."

"I shall bring him myself."

"I'd like that." She blushed deeper as a smile played on his lips. "Good day, your highness." She curtsied again and spun, hurrying down the hall as fast as she could without appearing room.

His words followed her. "Good day, Lady Alanna."

* * *

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't flirt with my sister."

Jonathan looked up from his book of Tortallan history, one of the many in the library, and at Thom, who stood in the doorway connecting their rooms. "Pardon?"

"I said I would appreciate it if you didn't flirt with my sister."

Jonathan closed the book, using a finger to mark his page. "Why?"

"Because she's my _sister_. And I have a suspicion that you'll only break her heart, and, frankly, neither of us need to deal with that particular mess."

"I think Alanna can take care of herself, Thom."

The redhead eyed his knight-master with steely violet eyes. "Oh, gods. What have you done?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You were flirting with her, weren't you?"

"What's wrong with you?" Jon put his book on the desk, standing up. "Your sister can take care of herself without your help."

"I'm not so sure about that. Alanna's never been the reasonable one."

"You don't sound very reasonable yourself right now!"

"Jon. Think about it. I'm your squire. If you break her heart, think about the position you'll put _me_ in."

"Why are you so sure I'll break her heart?"

"_You can't marry her_, Jon. You have to marry someone who can be queen. Alanna hasn't changed _that_ much in six years, for all that she puts it on for you. Give her some time, and you'll see. Don't lead her on. She puts on a brave face, but she's not really stronger than anyone else."

"You seem pretty sure for someone who hasn't spoken to her properly since you were _ten_."

"I know her. She's my sister."

"Who you haven't seen or spoken to beyond letters in _six years_. Maybe things are different now."

"No one changes that much." Thom shook his head. "Just be careful, will you? If Alanna _hasn't_ changed, I wouldn't want to be on her bad side."

"I have no intention of _getting_ on her bad side." Jonathan paused a moment, considering. "Look, Thom, if it's that important to you, then I'll stay away from her. But Gary and Raoul want to meet her too, not to mention Alex. You talk about her so often that we're all fascinated. You can hardly keep her from all of us."

Thom made a face. "I know that, but I can do my best to keep you fiends from breaking her heart."

"Are you sure she'd appreciate you doing this on her behalf?"

"Definitely not. Which is why I don't need you being _obvious_ about it."

Jon threw his hands up. "What is this? I thought I made the rules around here! Back to your room, squire. I tire of you."

Thom grinned and bowed, moving backwards into his quarters. "Whatever you say, your highness."

* * *

_I am having real issues writing this story. I've expressed some of them on my blog – Alanna going to the Convent is very hard to write, because I don't want to think she'd really be much different. I still have no idea who she's going to be with, although you can see where my inner fangirl wants it to end. I hope you're enjoying it! I appreciate reviews if you are reading, and especially ones with constructive advice. Thanks for reading!_


	4. Three

**THREE**

On a rainy night in the middle of August, the women were formally presented to the Court. Most of them had already met their potential suitors, but the formalities were required nevertheless. Alanna descended the staircase in her lavender dress, feeling very conspicuous and not entirely sure she appreciated it. What she _was_ sure she appreciated was how Jonathan's blue eyes followed her the whole time. In the weeks since her arrival, she had found excuses to see her brother, and thus his knight-master. Thom complained she spent more time with Jon than with him, but Alanna was sure he'd get over it eventually.

Once all the women had been presented, everyone was free. Alanna quickly joined up with Thom and his friends – Delia and Cythera came over in time. They were quite a bunch: Prince's squire, three young knights, and three young ladies, one of whom looked remarkably like the squire. "Delia, Cythera, meet Sir Gareth of Naxen, Sir Raoul of Goldenlake, Sir Alexander of Tirragen, and my brother, Thom of Trebond. Sirs, and Thom-" Alanna winked at her brother, "meet Delia of Eldorne and Cythera of Elden."

"A pleasure," Delia murmured, looking at Alex from under her long lashes. He bowed and kissed her hand, meeting her eyes momentarily with a small smile.

"Lady Cythera." Gary swept a dramatic bow. "A pleasure to meet you."

Cythera glanced between the big knight and Alanna, looking puzzled. She dipped a small curtsy. "The pleasure is all mine, Sir Gareth."

Raoul shifted in place, looking uncomfortable. "Mithros, I hate these things," he muttered to Alanna, who slid toward him to ask what was wrong.

"Why?" she asked, violet eyes wide.

He shrugged. "This isn't what being a knight's about, is it? We're supposed to be out protecting people, not…" He looked down at his dress outfit and shuddered.

"Raoul's clothes make him chafe. He's just too big. Nothing fits him properly," a light voice commented. The two turned.

"I wouldn't slight the palace tailors like that, Jon," he said. "You never know what they'll do to your clothes next time."

The Prince joined the group, having made his brief visit with his parents. "They wouldn't do a thing," he answered. "It's hardly their fault that you're practically a giant."

Raoul pointed a finger at his friend. "You'll pay for that," he warned. "I bet I can best you with a sword, Sir Prince."

"I welcome the challenge." The young men exchanged a smile before the Prince turned his attention to the small redhead. "Good evening, Lady Alanna." He inclined his head and she curtsied. "You look lovely. Might I have the pleasure of meeting your friends?" He looked amused at Delia and Cythera's stares.

Alanna smiled slightly. "Of course. Your highness-" he gave her a meaningful glance, which she ignored, "meet Cythera of Elden and Delia of Eldorne. Delia, Cythera, meet Prince Jonathan of Conté."

"Your highness," the women demurred, curtsying. Alex and Gary looked jealous.

"Good evening, Lady Delia, Lady Cythera," Jonathan greeted coolly. "It is a pleasure to meet friends of my squire's sister. We've heard a lot about you both, haven't we?" Alex and Gary nodded eagerly. Alanna attempted to hide a smile, but Jonathan saw it and winked at her, making her heart turn over. Thom scowled, but everyone ignored him. He looked as if he were about to say something when the music started up.

Gary bowed to Cythera. "May I have this dance, my lady?"

She colored. "It would be an honor, Sir Gareth."

"Please, Lady Cythera. Call me Gary." Alanna, Thom, Raoul, and Jonathan watched as Alex took Delia onto the floor, joining the other couples.

Jonathan turned to Alanna and offered her a hand. "May I have this dance, Alanna?" he asked, holding her eyes steady. She felt butterflies in her stomach, silently cursing those eyes of his.

"Hold on," Raoul protested. "Who am I to dance with, then?"

"What about Thom?" Alanna teased. Raoul glared at her. "I'm kidding." She put a hand on his arm. "The next dance is yours, I promise. Thom's my witness."

"Oh, so you _did_ notice I exist," he drawled. "Lovely."

"Something bothering you, squire?" Jonathan asked, raising his eyebrows. Knight-master and squire locked eyes, leaving Raoul and Alanna confused. Finally, Thom relented with a sigh and a flick of his hand.

"Go. Have fun."

"Thanks for the blessing," Alanna said sarcastically. _What has gotten into him?_ she wondered as Jonathan led her onto the floor. _You'd think he'd be _happy_ that Jon and I are spending so much time together!_

* * *

"Don't look now," Thom hissed in her ear a half hour later, "but our parents are coming."

Alanna spun out of her conversation with Raoul to see her mother and father making a beeline for her. She swore quietly. Everyone started at her, and she blushed.

"Alanna! Thom!' Marinie of Trebond embraced her twins warmly, never indicating that they had parted on poor terms six years previously. "Look at you! All grown up." She sighed. "Your father and I have missed you both."

"We've missed you too," the twins lied, forcing smiles.

"Don't just stand there, say hello to your father." Alan nodded as his children greeted him. He looked rather unkempt, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked as if he had gotten no sleep since their arrival from Trebond. "Alanna." The girl looked at her mother. Marinie smiled, taking her daughter by the shoulders. "You have grown up into a beautiful young woman." She lowered her voice. "And did I see you dancing with the _prince_?"

"Mother, this is Sir Raoul of Goldenlake," Alanna said, stepping aside to indicate the large man trying to hide behind the much smaller twins. "Sir Raoul, meet Lord Alan and Lady Marinie of Trebond, our parents."

"A pleasure," Marinie murmured as Raoul bowed. She eyed her daughter, and Alanna had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. She had a feeling this would happen.

"How have you been, mother?" Thom stepped in, and Alanna shot him a grateful look. Marinie flicked her eyes to her son and smiled nicely. Marinie never had a problem with Thom – "he easy," she used to say with a sigh. "Alanna's the hard one."

"Just fine, thank you," the lady of Trebond answered. She turned to her husband. "Alan, why don't you dance with your daughter? I'm sure she'd savor the chance to show you her newly acquired skills."

"I saw her dancing before," Lord Alan said grumpily. "She's very good."

"I don't want to trouble you." Alanna gave her father a sympathetic look he didn't seem to catch. "I've already danced some this evening, mother. There's no need to get father involved if he doesn't want to."

"He never was much of a dancer." Marinie took his arm. "Well, we'll leave you now. It was lovely to see you again. Come visit us, will you? We have missed you these six years." The twins nodded, and bid their goodbyes. They turned to Raoul, who looked bewildered.

"That's your mother?" he asked. When they nodded, he shuddered. "Gods. With a mother like that, I would have run away as a child."

* * *

"I'd ask you for a walk in the garden," a voice said in Alanna's ear later that evening. She jumped, and glanced at the person now standing beside her. "But it's still raining."

"I don't mind the rain, your highness," Alanna murmured, watching the crowd with cautious violet eyes. She did not wish to attract attention as a potential queen. Not just yet. Not before she knew where she and the prince stood.

"But your pretty dress would be ruined." He cast his blue eyes over her small body, sending shivers of pleasure down her spine. Some small part of her mind screamed _danger_!, but she was never very good at paying attention to such things.

Alanna shrugged. "There will be other pretty dresses." A glance in his direction revealed that the corner of his mouth turned up in a half-smile.

"There will be other nights for taking walks in the gardens with beautiful ladies." Every muscle in her body tightened at his soft voice. She had to clench her fist to avoid touching him, and she swallowed hard. Did he do this to every lady, or was it just her?

"Is there no where else we could walk?" she wanted to know.

"You _want_ to find somewhere else to walk, my lady?" He pivoted to look at her, and she did the same, increasing the distance between their bodies ever so slightly.

"Yes," she answered, looking up at him from under her lashes. "Very much."

"Well, then." He smiled and offered her an arm. "Shall we?"

Two pairs of violet eyes watched as Prince Jonathan led Alanna from the hall – one belonged to Marinie of Trebond, who had a hard time containing her smile, and whose husband glared at her as she squeezed his arm. The other belonged to Thom of Trebond, who scowled. He knew he couldn't command Jonathan to do anything, but he had hoped his friend would listen to him. The only other pair of eyes that noticed their exit were black, and belonged to Sir Raoul of Goldenlake, who couldn't help but feel sad that the intriguing Lady Alanna was leaving with Jonathan. _It's hard to compete with a prince._

* * *

_Still exploring my options, pairings wise. I appreciate the feedback from everyone. I didn't rewrite this chapter, so it may not be as good, but I just didn't have the energy. It's been a rough couple of weeks, with AP exams and such. I love seeing all the story alert notifications, but I can't help but notice that people are reading and not reviewing! I hate to sound greedy, but I appreciate feedback from readers. It's nice to know what people are thinking. Thanks for reading, and I hope all is well for all of you._


	5. Four

**FOUR**

The following morning, Jonathan, Raoul, Gary, and Alex sat to the side of the training yards while their squires practiced. The knights watched each move, and occasionally one went over to suggest a change. Gary and Alex were deeply engrossed in conversation about their ladies – Cythera and Delia – while Raoul and Jonathan stood in silence.

"I saw you go off with Lady Alanna last night," Raoul mentioned casually, never removing his eyes from his squire.

"We went for a walk," the Prince explained, nodding an approval as Thom successfully blocked a swing from another squire. While not a natural at swordsmanship, he learned fast. "It was nice."

"I see." Raoul nodded. "Do you plan on courting her, then?"

"I'm not sure yet." He glanced at the larger man out of the corner of his eye. "Why?"

"Just wondering." Raoul shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. A moment of silence passed as tension grew between the friends.

"You aren't interested in her, are you?"

"Why do you ask?" Raoul fought the urge to shake Jonathan by the shoulders and scream _yes, you dolt!_

"Just wondering." Another moment of silence passed, the tension growing thicker. Finally, Jonathan turned to face his friend. "You aren't…" He paused, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "_Jealous_, are you, Sir Raoul?"

The bigger knight only flicked his black eyes in the prince's direction. "Who, me?" he scoffed. "No."

"I see." Jonathan returned to his previous position. "We'll both have to get permission from Thom before courting his sister. He gave me an earful when I returned last night."

"I'm sure Thom won't object. You are his knight-master after all. Lady Alanna seems perfectly willing to chose for herself, anyway."

"She is." Raoul noticed the smile threatening to spread across Jonathan's face and had to clench his fists. He didn't anger easily, but Jon's smug attitude wasn't calming him down. "She's quite the lady."

"She is at that. Excuse me." Raoul moved away to talk to his squire, who looked surprised.

"Was I doing something wrong?"

"No," Raoul murmured. "I just had to get away from the wall for a minute."

"Oh." The young man paused and considered. "Would you like to just go now, then? I'm tired anyway."

"You are a blessing." Raoul mussed his hair. "Come. I'll teach you some special tricks of mine." He raised his voice. "We're off, my friends. See you this evening." His friends waved goodbyes, but only Jonathan watched as Raoul and his squire exited the training yards. Thom watched Jonathan watching Raoul, wondering if it had anything to do with his sister. He suspected it did.

* * *

Several hours later, just before Raoul was to leave for dinner, a knock came at his door. "Who is it?"

"Thom."

Puzzled, Raoul opened the door and smiled at the redheaded sixteen-year-old. "Hello, Thom. How can I help you?"

"May I come in?" Raoul stepped aside as Thom murmured his thanks. The big man crossed his arms over his chest. "What can I do for you?"

"Are you interested in Alanna?" the squire demanded, his face unreadable.

Raoul sighed and rubbed his temples. "If you're here to talk my ear off about being honorable, you can save your breath. Jon's beaten me to it."

"I don't care about Jon," Thom snapped. "I warned him to stay away from her."

"Why?" Raoul asked, surprised. "He's the prince, not to mention your knight-master and friend. Why don't you want him courting your sister?"

"One, because she'd make a terrible queen," Thom answered. "But also because he's not serious. Thom's fooling around, and Alanna's weaker than she looks. I don't need him breaking her heart and then her making the next two years miserable." Raoul nodded. "She seems to like you well enough."

"Wait." Raoul help up his hands. "I'm not about to force myself on her, or compete openly with Jon. Competition with the heir doesn't seem like a particularly wise idea."

"Do you like my sister or not?" Thom wanted to know, eyeing his friend with stern violet eyes. Raoul paused before nodding. "Then I can help. I know her. I can arrange for you two to meet. Jon will find other things to interest him. Just be at her side when he's not. I'll work on the rest."

"I don't like the sound of this," Raoul said carefully. "I don't want Jon hating me. He's a good friend, and I'm sworn as a knight to serve him once he's king."

"He won't." Thom smiled wickedly. "You let me worry about Jon. You just make Alanna fall in love with you."

Raoul could only gape as the squire left his room, a triumphant look on his face.

* * *

After dinner that night, Thom took Alanna for a walk along the outer walls of the palace. They spoke freely as twins, moaning about their parents, reminiscing about Trebond, and exchanging stories that hadn't made it into letters. Finally, when Thom could be assured of their privacy he said, "I'm worried about you, Alanna."

"Why?" she asked, eyes wide. "I can take care of myself, Thom. I know you're going to be a knight and want to protect me, but you know me. I'm perfectly-"

Thom held up a hand. "Stop. You talk too much." She stuck her tongue out at him. "Now who's the child?" She glared and he beamed at her. "I'm worried about how much time you're spending with Jon."

"Oh, gods, Thom!" Alanna moaned, stopping short. "Don't interfere in my romantic life, please. I really don't need you looking out for me."

"He's the _heir_, Alanna. Even if he does court you, even if you do fall in love – have you thought about the future? Either he'll have to marry someone else for the good of the realm or you'll be queen. Can you _see_ yourself being queen?" She didn't answer. "It may seem all well and good now, but-"

"Stop," she said quietly. He did, too startled to go on. She looked almost… _resigned_. "You don't have to go on. I get it."

"You do?"

She nodded. "A girl can dream." She looked up, violet eyes sad. Thom wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

"I know you like him, Alanna. He's easy to like. But you can still be friends." He kissed the side of her head. "I just don't want you getting hurt, that's all. Especially not by someone as important as Jon is. Not just as the Prince, but as my knight-master. You could mess up _my_ life too, you know."

"Oh, well, I'm so glad you're looking out for me."

"I thought you didn't need looking after."

"I don't." She grinned. "But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate being looked out _for_."

Thom shook his head. "You confuse me."

"Good." She tossed her hair, starting to walk again. "Keeps things interesting."

* * *

Hours later, Jonathan stopped by Alanna's room on his way to bed. He'd been with his father, discussing various odds and ends. The topic of marriage had come up, and Jonathan had admitted he wasn't sure what he thought. He was only nineteen after all.

He knocked on the door, hoping she was still awake. "Alanna?" he whispered.

"Come in," she answered almost inaudibly. Jonathan slipped in as quietly as possible. Her room was dimly lit, but he could see she wore a dressing gown. "What brings you here so late?"

"I haven't seen you today," he replied. "Is it so wrong that I want to?"

"It's hardly proper," she argued feebly. "And you must be exhausted."

He shrugged. "You must be tired too. I can leave, if you'd rather."

"No." She caught his arm, and he saw her smile. "Thom had a talk with me today."

"Did he really?" Jonathan sat in her desk chair. "What did he say?"

"That I should consider the future before getting too deep into this," she replied, sitting on her bed. "He's concerned I'll get my heartbroken if we can't marry, or that I'll make a terrible queen."

Jonathan laughed quietly. "He had the same talk with me, almost." He paused before asking, "Do you share his concerns?"

"No. I can take care of myself." A moment of silence passed.

"So…" Jonathan rose and walked over to her. "You wouldn't object if I kissed you?"

"Not at all." She rose into his arms, and found his mouth upon her almost instantly. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tighter, as her arms wound around his neck.

Jonathan broke away from her. "I think your brother was right to be concerned," he murmured. "I don't know if I can avoid kissing you after that."

"So don't." She kissed him again. This one lasted longer than the first as their breaths synchronized and they fell into a rhythm.

Finally, he broke their contact. "I should really go," he whispered. "It's late."

She sighed. "You should." He kissed her once again, swiftly. "Good night, Jonathan."

"Good night, Lady Alanna." He bowed to her and slipped out, quietly as he came in, leaving Alanna fingering her lips, wondering what she was getting herself into.

* * *

_I liked this, and this is only the second version of this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it too. To occupy my time between updates, I've been writing little one shots. "Change" has gotten a new chapter, as have "Exit Wounds" and "All I Ever Wanted," my ficlet collections. Check those out if you're having withdrawal between updates of this one. Thanks for reading!_


	6. Five

**FIVE**

Several days later, Alanna wandered to the practice courts, where she expected to find her brother and his friends. She knew that Delia and Cythera occasionally went to see Alex and Gary fall all over themselves trying to impress the ladies. Today, Delia and Cythera had not joined them. Both ladies were spending the day with their families, something Alanna tried to avoid whenever possible. Raoul, Jonathan, Gary, Alex, Thom, and several other squires were on the courts, standing around. "What's this?" Alanna asked, stopping and placing her hands on her hips. "I come to be impressed by the knightly skills, and I see… chatter?" She shook her head. "You're as bad as the girls at the Convent."

The knights laughed and Thom rolled his eyes. "We work hard," he told her. "You came at the wrong moment."

"Oh, I can tell." She cast an approving eye over the knights, all of whom were in good shape. "I've heard of some impressive swordsmanship from my friends. Impress me." She leaned against the wall.

Jonathan scooped up a practice sword and swung it lazily. "You heard the lady," he said. "Let's impress her." He flicked his blue eyes around to each of his friends, pausing just a moment longer on Raoul than the others. "Any takers?"

Raoul nearly stepped forward, but Thom stopped him with a sharp glance. "How about me?" he said. "I wouldn't mind showing my sister what I've been learning."

"He any good?" Alanna asked Alex, who had come to stand near her to avoid being challenged.

"He's all right." Alex shrugged. "Jon and Raoul are better."

"Are you better?"

Alex smiled. "I'm the best."

"And modest," Gary remarked dryly, standing on Alex's other side. "Delia's not here, Alex. There's no need to play yourself up."

"Ah, but Delia's my friend," Alanna explained. "He doesn't want me to take anything negative back to her."

"So you might want to watch yourself, Gary," Raoul said, moving to stand beside Alanna. "Morning, Alanna."

"Good morning, Raoul." She smiled at him. "Will I get to see you fence today?"

"Maybe." He gave her a playful smile. Her body warmed as she readjusted her position and shifted her attention to her brother and his knight-master, who were stretching. "Now, will those blades hurt?"

"They cut like a real blade," Raoul explained. "They're dull, so they don't do any real damage, but that doesn't make them not hurt. The chances of getting killed are marginal, though."

"Sometimes we practice with real swords," Alex put in. "Then we wear more padding."

Alanna nodded, eyes never leaving the young men. Jonathan was ready first, moving into position. "Ready?" he asked his squire. Thom shifted and nodded. Jonathan attacked first and Thom defended. Alanna had to admire their skill – they easily blocked each other's swings, sometimes with complex maneuvers. They seemed well matched, but Alanna saw that Thom began to tire before Jonathan. He made mistakes. Jonathan's blue eyes remained focused, shifting between Thom's sword and his torso, looking for tells of his next move. Finally, the prince knocked his squire's sword and placed the tip of his own sword at the base of Thom's throat. Thom sighed and stepped back. "I yield."

"Well done!" Alanna applauded, eyes sparkling. She'd wanted to learn this, and still did. "That was beautiful."

"Good swordsmanship should be smooth," Raoul said. "Graceful. You should see Alex."

"Is that a challenge, Goldenlake?" Alex asked, rolling his neck.

"Would you like it to be?" Raoul retorted. "It's been awhile since I beat you."

Alex grinned. "Don't tempt me."

"Why, scared you'll lose?"

Alex picked up a sword and tossed it to the bigger knight. "I won't lose."

Alanna glanced at Jonathan, who took Raoul's position. "Does this happen a lot?" she wanted to know, watching Alex and Raoul warm up.

Jonathan shrugged. "Sometimes. There seems to be a season for it." He looked at her. "Thom mentioned you were interested in meeting Duke Roger."

Alanna nodded eagerly. "They spoke of him frequently at the Convent. I've only heard great things about him – as a man and as a mage."

"He just returned from some travels," Jonathan said with a smile. "He'll be at dinner this evening. Would you like to meet him?"

"Yes!" Alanna's eyes sparkled. "I would love to meet him! Do you mean it?"

"Of course I do." He looked pleased with himself. "He is my cousin, after all."

"Thank you." She settled back against the wall to watch the duel, having a hard time containing her smile. Jonathan's eyes lingered on her another moment before he, too, turned his attention to his friends. Thom, who had witnessed the exchange, glared at his knight-master. _This is going to be harder than I thought._

* * *

"I see you are back from your mischief-making." Duke Roger turned to see his young cousin Jonathan standing behind him. The man stood, smiling his charming smile.

The duke bowed. "I never make mischief, cousin," he said, saccharine sweet. "I trust you have been keeping out of trouble?"

"I never make trouble, cousin." The cousins held each other's blue eyes for a moment before laughing and embracing. "Welcome back to Court."

"Thank you. It seems you have added new jewels since I left." He turned his eyes to the woman standing with him. She was several inches shorter, standing only around five feet four inches, with copper hair falling softly to her shoulders. Her eyes were a startling purple, enhanced by the pale violet color of her dress. Her hips curved nicely, promising an easy pregnancy once a man tamed the fire in her eyes. Roger found something about her intriguing… and familiar. The young woman blushed and avoided looking at him. He smiled. He often had that affect on women, despite being less handsome than his younger cousin.

Not that he would ever admit he knew it.

"Cousin, meet Lady Alanna of Trebond. She's Thom's sister. Alanna, Duke Roger of Conté, my cousin." Alanna curtsied and Roger kissed her hand. She glanced up at him from under her lashes.

"I knew you looked familiar, Lady Alanna. I know your brother well." He gave her his charming smile, the one that melted the hearts of women all over the Eastern Lands.

"I've often heard your name, Your Grace." Something about his smile unsettled her, but she could not pinpoint what it was. She immediately mistrusted him, charming though he seemed. "I have looked forward to meeting you for a long time."

"Well." Roger straightened at the compliment. "I am happy to finally indulge you."

"I will leave you to talk," Jonathan said, slipping away, although not before touching the small of her back intimately. Roger noted the gesture, but said nothing.

"Please, sit." Roger motioned to the empty seat beside him, which Alanna sunk into gracefully. "I can't say your brother has enlightened me with tales of you," he apologized. "But, tell me." He settled back. "Why did you wish to meet me?"

"Magic," Alanna admitted with a shrug. "I learned some at the Convent, but…" her voice drifted off and she shrugged again. "It interests me. And it is not every day you meet the most powerful mage in the world."

"I'm not sure about the _world_," Roger quietly demurred. He was sure, but years of etiquette training taught him that boasting was rude. He smiled at her. "Do you wish to be taught, or simply to chat?"

"Well." She looked down into her lap, feigning shyness. "Of course, I would be honored to study under you, Your Grace." Roger's eyes danced with amusement. "But I would settle for chat, should study be inappropriate. I must admit, I am not entirely sure of what protocol applies to such matters. They can be quite stuffy in the City of the Gods."

Roger laughed. "I would imagine. I would be glad to teach you, Lady Alanna. I still teach your brother and my cousin Jonathan. Should you wish to join their lessons, I would imagine that would be acceptable."

"Thank you, Your Grace." Alanna rose and curtsied. "I am honored."

"The honor is all mine, my lady." He kissed her hand again. "I shall see you soon, then."

"You certainly will."

* * *

Before going off to bed that evening, Jonathan stopped by his parents' chambers to pay them a visit. They had requested he see them, and he had a free moment in the time between dinner and bed. "Jonathan!" his mother greeted warmly, embracing him.

"Hello, mother." He kissed her cheek. "Father." He bowed to the king, who returned it with a deep nod of his head. "You wished to see me?" He placed a hand on the back of a chair, waiting for an invitation to sit. He received one.

"Yes. You're eighteen now," Roald said, as if Jonathan didn't know his own age. "And, while it may seem young to you, it is really about time you started considering marriage."

Jonathan nearly choked on his own saliva. "Marriage?" he coughed, clearing his throat. "Father, eighteen does seem rather young."

"I married your father at nineteen," Lianne reminded him. "They marry younger in the City."

"Yes, but this is _Court_," Jonathan answered, trying to keep a respectful tone. "And I hardly think I'm ready to think about such things." He suddenly became concerned. "You aren't… _sick_ are you? This isn't your way of telling me I should find a queen because I'll be king soon?"

"Not at all!" Lianne exclaimed, reaching for his hand. She rubbed it, trying to soothe his nerves. "We just think you should consider it, that's all."

"Did you have something in _mind_?" Jonathan asked, looking skeptical.

"Perhaps a diplomatic marriage," Roald replied. "I know the idea has come up before." Jonathan nodded. Growing up, diplomatic marriages came up frequently, but had always been turned down. "Would you object to us arranging for some princesses to spend time in Corus?"

"Not at all," he answered. "As long as I'm not expected to only choose one of them."

"Why?" Lianne asked, looking skeptical herself. "Did you have someone in mind already?"

"No," Jonathan said quickly, causing his parents to exchange a look. He rose. "May I go now? I'm very tired."

"Yes, yes," Roald said. "Good night, son."

"Good night, father. Mother." Jonathan kissed his parents goodbye and left to find Alanna.

* * *

That night, Alanna dreamed.

_She stood in a room, looking at three people. One was clearly her, nearing middle age. There were lines on her face, and she wore breeches and a shirt in the men's fashion, a sword strapped around her waist. One man was older, with a sling on her arm and a long wound on his face. The third was Jonathan, also around middle age, bearded and distinguished-looking. The older Alanna looked frustrated, the men's faces unreadable._

_"Alanna, for heaven's sake, you know the gossip," the older Jonathan said. "Stop acting as if you'd never heard it before." He looked at the other man. "And you suggest…"_ What gossip? _Alanna wondered, very confused._

_"Lady Alanna must keep from all contact with the girl," the man said. "Even a moment's conversation will give rise to suspicion."_

_"All contact?" the older Alanna cried. "But she'll be the only girl among over twenty boys! She'll have questions – I could help –" She fell silent, leaving her younger counterpart to stare at her. What in the name of the Goddess was going on?_

_Jonathan patted her shoulder. "Is there no other way?" he asked the man._

_The man shook his head. "I fear not, sire. The Mindelan girl will be the cause of trouble as it is, without the Lioness hovering over her." _Lioness? Mindelan?

_Jonathan seemed to consider this before sighing. "Lord Wyldon has the right of it. You must stay away from Keladry of Mindelan, Alanna."_ _Alanna thought the man must be Lord Wyldon of Cavall, a knight who appeared once in awhile at Court, but preferred to stay home with his dogs. But she could never remember hearing of Mindelan before._

_"But – Jonathan – sire –" Alanna studied her older self, still confused as to what was going on._

_"That is an order, lady knight." _Lady knight?_ Alanna gaped at herself. There was no way. "If you cannot accept that, say as much now, and I will find you work elsewhere."_

_She saw herself get to her feet, a murderous look in her violet eyes, mouth drawn tight. "Don't tax yourself. I'll find knight's work myself. As far from Corus as possible." Alanna watched herself stalk out, leaving the king and Lord Wyldon staring after her._

Alanna awoke with a start, sitting up and staring blindly into the darkness. She called violet fire in her hand to illuminate the room. No one was with her. She frowned and lay back down, staring at the ceiling. _What was that?_ she wondered, trying to settle back into a comfortable sleeping position. _Lioness? Lady knight? It's all very confusing._

* * *

_I like it when Alanna plays Court games. This was a fun chapter to write. I have some scenes for later on written already. I'm rather looking forward to them. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!_

_Italicized portion at the end adapted for my needs from __First Test__, obviously by Tamora Pierce._


	7. Six

**SIX**

"How would you like to take a trip into the city?" Thom asked his sister the following day at lunch.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "What's in the city?"

"George Cooper," Raoul commented from across the table.

"Cooper…" She frowned slightly as she thought of where she had heard the name before. "Is he the one who picked me up at the Convent?"

Jonathan turned wide blue eyes to his squire. "You sent _George_ to get her?"

Thom glared at him. "Yes. Is there a problem with that? You _like_ George. He's your friend."

"I know." Jonathan moved food around his plate. "He's just… well. He's… you know."

"I have to agree with Jon on this one, Thom. What possessed you to send _George_?"

Alanna looked between the young men. "What are you talking about?" she wanted to know. "I rather liked Cooper – George. What's so wrong with him?"

"_Nothing_," Thom said, giving his friends a meaningful look. He looked back at his sister. "So. What do you say?"

"Sure." She smiled. "I'd like to see him again."

"Tell him I say hello," Jonathan said. "I have work to do here."

"I'm giving my squire some fencing lessons," Raoul added. "Otherwise I'd tag along."

Alanna's eyes twinkled wickedly. "You're leaving me all alone with my _brother_?" she complained, barely hiding her grin. "That's hardly fair!"

"Oh, ha, ha," drawled Thom. "You're so _funny_, Alanna."

"Aren't I, though?" She tossed her copper hair back, smiling at him triumphantly. "Aw, Thom. You know I love you." She squeezed his hand across the table. "You're my brother. I have to love you."

"_Thanks_." He rolled his eyes as his friends laughed.

* * *

An hour later, Alanna sat between George and her brother at the Dancing Dove, taking period sips from her lemonade. She'd never liked the taste of alcohol. Her violet eyes took in the scene. The men looked hard, some of the women easy. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of the situation, so she took it all in, assessing. It was hard to ignore how much George's seat at the head of the table looked like a throne, though. No one had confirmed her suspicions yet.

George glanced over at her. "Copper for ye thoughts," he said.

She smiled at him. "I'm not thinking of anything worth a copper," she told him. "Just… considering."

"Don't think t' much," he warned her, tapping his head. "Somethin's have t' come from th' gut."

"I'll keep that in mind." She took a sip from her lemonade. "So… what do you _do_ here, exactly?"

"Social club," Thom interrupted, having been listening to their conversation while engaged in his own with another young man. He shot a glance at George, who shrugged.

"Hm," Alanna said, the corners of her mouth turning down. She looked at George. "Don't let my brother cover for you to protect me. I'm not as delicate as he would like to believe."

"Aren't ye?" George's hazel eyes twinkled as he sat back in his chair. "I wouldn't go crossin' yer brother, lass. He's more fearsome than he looks."

"Really." Alanna turned appreciate violet eyes to Thom, who shrugged.

"I don't know what he's talking about."

George laughed. "Don't be shy, lad! Tell yer sister what I taught ye!"

"Yes, Thom." She rested her chin on her hand. "Do tell."

Thom glared at George. "There's nothing to tell." He turned back to his conversation.

The man winked at Alanna. "He doesn't like t' be th' center of attention."

"Understandable. I don't either." She took another sip from her lemonade. "Must run in the family."

"Guess so."

They sat in comfortable silence, before she remembered Jonathan and Raoul. "Oh! Raoul and J-"

"Raoul and Johnny say hello," Thom cut in.

"Weren't you having a conversation?" Alanna admonished. "You're rude. Remind me to mention that to your knight-master."

"He knows," Thom told her, turning his attention back to George. "They both had other things to take care of and regret they couldn't join us."

"Tell them I hope t' see them soon," George said with a nod. "We miss their faces around here, don't we?" Several of the men and women nodded.

Thom leaned in to whisper to Alanna, "We don't call him Jonathan here. It's Johnny."

She made note to ask why later, and to get the full story of the Dove… and George.

* * *

"She's in the garden," Thom hissed. "_Go_." The squire was gone before Raoul could acknowledge him. Jonathan was caught up in something with his parents, so Raoul slipped away from the group and went to the gardens, where he assumed he could find Alanna.

He did, and saw she was barely ahead of him on the path. "Alanna!" he called. She spun, and he saw a smile light up her face. She waited for him, so he jogged to catch up with her. "I hear you take a lot of walks in the garden. Any particular reason?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I like being outside while I still can," she said. "Besides, it's boring to be cooped up inside all day."

"You'll have to marry a nobleman with a lot of land, then, so you can ride out on it," he suggested, chopping his stride to keep pace with her as they walked.

"I suppose I will," she mused quietly. They walked in silence for a few steps before she sighed. "Did Thom ever tell you I wanted to be a lady knight?"

"Really?" Raoul stopped and looked at her. "You wanted to be a _knight_?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?" she asked, placing her hands firmly on her hips and focusing her violet eyes on his black ones. "I've been softened by years at the Convent, but I used to be quite good with a bow!"

"I'm sure." He gave her a half-smile. "I just can't imagine you as a warrior maiden, for some reason. Maybe I'm too used to you like this."

"Maybe." She sighed. "I let it go at the Convent. But, here? I look at Thom and think how much better _I_ could be. He doesn't care for knightly arts. I do. He'd rather be locked up in a study with his books, like father." Her voice was bitter. "Or a mage like Duke Roger."

"We noticed," coaxed Raoul. They continued on. "You know." He paused, considering. "I could teach you, if you wanted. I can't promise it will be often, or that it will even work, but I could teach you, if you want to learn so badly."

"Really?" She widened her violet eyes. "Are you sure? I know you have duties to your squire…"

Raoul waved the thought away. "No, I _want_ to." He smiled. "You want to learn to fight, I know how. We can help each other here."

"How can _I_ help _you_?" Alanna asked. "This all seems kind of one-sided to me."

_All you have to do is let me spend time with you._ "Oh, I'm sure I'll think of _something_."

* * *

Alanna crawled under the covers that night, wondering what dreams that night might bring.

_She saw herself at around ten, hair cropped short like a boy's, dressed as a boy. Gary was with her, and there was a young George. They were in the Lower City part of Corus, where the Dancing Dove was. She watched as George led them to the Dove, where she had been earlier that very day. "You shouldn't be surprised at my lookin' you up," George told the young Alanna. "Truth to tell, I like your looks. We don't see many with eyes like yours. You bein' from the country – you don't look it now, but you did then! – I thought you'd like to be knowin' someone in the city." So, in this dream, they had met before._

_"Do you always make friends on such short notice?" Gary asked._

_George looked at him a moment. "I trust my instincts, young master. In my line of work, you learn quick to trust your instincts."_

_"What is it you do, George?" Alanna heard herself ask._

_George winked at her. "I – buy, and, I sell."_

_"You're a thief." Alanna's eyes darted between the Gary and George of her dream. The same George Cooper she'd met earlier, who had escorted her to Corus? A thief?_

_"'Thief' is a harsh word, Master Gareth. Why would you be thinkin' that I am? You've still got your purse, and what's in it. Or you had better."_

_"I still have my purse," Gary admitted, but only after checking. "But why do you want to make friends with us? If you think we'll help you in the palace, you're wrong. Don't you know who I am?" Alanna could only stare at him. This was not the Gary she had come to know._

_"I know well you're Gareth of Naxen," George said. "The Duke's son. I didn't look you up for professional reasons. Truth to tell, were you not with Alan, I wouldn't have put myself in your way. We're not fond of nobles here." _Alan_? Alanna stared at her dream self. _Alan_? That was a boy's name. But she recognized herself. What was going on? "But I've the Gift. It helps me see more clearly than most. I knew I must meet Master Alan. In fact, I've kept a close eye on him these three months. I don't ignore my Gift when it calls me."_

_"I don't know much about magic, but that makes sense. Still – what can _Alan_ do for you? He's just a little guy. And unless I miss my guess, you're the man the Lord Provost would most love to get his hands on."_ _Alanna could only stare at George then. There was no way. He couldn't be a thief, let alone…_

_"You're quick, Master Gary. All right, then. I'm what they call the King of Thieves, the Master of the Court of the Rogue."_

Alanna woke up then, wondering what kind of people her brother was associating with. She knew her mother wouldn't approve, which gave her a moment's pleasure before she realized that _Jonathan_ was friends with George too. _The future King of Tortall consorting with the King of Thieves?_ Alanna shook her head. _What a strange concept._ She lay back down, rolling onto her side to try to go back to sleep. "Goddess," she whispered, not sure if her murmurs into the darkness would amount to anything. "I don't understand these dreams. Are they supposed to mean something to me? A little guidance, please." She was about to drift off to sleep when she remembered to end it, "So mote it be."

_Somewhere up in the Divine Realms, the Great Mother Goddess smiled down on Lady Alanna of Trebond, tucked safely into her bed in the palace. The girl was to have been one of her Chosen, but had not followed through. The Goddess had resented it for a time, before deciding she could help the girl anyway. "Sleep, my daughter," she murmured, smiling slightly. "It will all become clear soon enough."_

* * *

_I thought this was pretty boring, overall. There will be some of those, much as I hate writing them. Hope you enjoyed it anyway. Thanks for reading!_


	8. Seven

**SEVEN**

Slowly but surely, princesses began to trickle into the palace, just in time for the weather to cool down considerably. Alanna spent a lot of time glaring out of windows at first, never a fan of the cold. Raoul laughed and offered to spend time indoors with her, while Jonathan was otherwise occupied entertaining ladies. Once in awhile, Alanna would travel into the City to see George, or someone would sneak him in. (She wondered if Jon knew how easily the Rogue could get into the palace, but then realized it might not bother him, considering George was his friend too.) Alanna let George tell her quietly his true profession, but they continued her brother's delusion that she had no idea. Always a mischief-maker herself, Alanna and George got along well, and soon formed their own group with Raoul.

As Jonathan's duties increased, so did Thom's. He was expected to serve his knight master at all times, so he was constantly at the Prince's beck and call. More often than not, that also meant taking orders from the king and queen, or from the newest princess to arrive at Court. When his friends did see him, fire flashed in his violet eyes, and he was muttering words learned from Coram.

Marinie and Alan returned to Trebond in early September. Marinie had to be dragged, but her husband seemed to chafe at being so close to Court, and so far from his books. Some part of Alanna longed to go with them. She disliked having to force smiles at the princesses seeking Jonathan's attention. He came to visit her every night before they went to bed, never going any farther than kisses, and often ending at a conversation, but she couldn't help feeling like she was a secret, a second choice. She also felt uncomfortably like a common whore, something she most definitely was not. Her blood was bluer than his, for all that he was the heir to the throne.

"Has it always been this hard to be friends with him?" Alanna asked Raoul one afternoon while his squire was at lessons.

"Not always," the knight answered, leaning back in his chair. "It's hard to avoid the scraping and bowing whenever he goes anywhere, but he wasn't always so difficult to get along with." She sighed, and Raoul's heart went out to her. "The Jon you see when you're alone with him, or with us – that's the real Jon. The Jon he puts on for his parents, for the princesses? That's just an act."

"Hm," Alanna said, sounding unconvinced. She thought for a moment, then fixed her startling violet eyes on him. You'd think after years of Thom's, he would be used to the color. "How can you be sure?"

Raoul shrugged. "You just know, I guess. There's something easy about how he is around us. He always looks so uncomfortable around the others." She seemed to accept this, but Raoul studied her anyway. Her violet eyes were guarded, but he detected sadness in her body language. He felt his heart twist and his stomach drop. He supposed he'd known for a while that she loved Jonathan, but that didn't make her look sit any better. He wanted to scoop her up and kiss her, tell her that she didn't need Jonathan, because he, Raoul, was right here. Instead, he gave her a meaningful look she didn't notice and then sat with her in silence as they thought.

* * *

Jonathan sighed as several princesses looked up at him from under long lashes, running hands over curves concealed by their dresses, tossing long hair – anything they thought might catch his attention. He supposed the princesses were pretty enough – they had come from the Copper Isles, and Tusaine so far, but the princesses from Tyra, Galla, and Maren were expected any day, and possibly even from Sarain. He'd heard the daughter of the Saren warlord was beautiful, but his mother mistrusted the line.

He felt trapped as did Thom, from the look on his face. He tried to conceal it, but he wasn't very good at it. Some of the princesses had tried to charm him, others sent their ladies, in the hopes that appealing to the prince's squire would win them a place in his affections. Unfortunately for them, Jonathan disliked such games, and his squire only reminded him of the woman never far from his mind who closely resembled the young man.

In the months since her arrival, Alanna had captivated his attention. She never drifted far from his thoughts, and seeing her even for a few moments could brighten his day. She was fiercely intelligent, and bright enough to know when to hide behind her manners. She was independent, but loving, and a joy to be around. Compared to the other women at Court, the lady of Trebond was not beautiful. She was cute, maybe "pretty" in a pinch, but not beautiful. Her violet eyes were certainly startling, and her copper hair made her different, but she was short and not as lean as some of the other women. She wasn't fat, but her build had some weight to it. Jonathan could imagine her as a warrior maiden, but he'd heard mothers whispering about how she would bear many strong, healthy children. The idea made him chuckle. He couldn't imagine the hot-tempered Alanna having children, or settling down. But, then again, he couldn't imagine himself settling down either. Perhaps it was the age.

"Can we leave yet?" Thom muttered. "I can think of a long list of things I would rather be doing right now."

"You're not leaving me," Jonathan told him sharply, flicking his blue eyes at his squire. "You can't leave me with them."

Thom narrowed his eyes. "I hate you."

"Yes." Jon turned his attention back to the ladies and sighed. "If only they did, too."

* * *

He saw how he looked at her. And he didn't like it. Why did it seem that no one saw what he saw? He would only break her heart, much as she liked to pretend she hadn't given it to him. He knew where his knight-master crept off to before going to bed. He was relatively sure that they had yet to sleep together, but he had no proof. He hoped she had a charm. Their mother would kill them both if she gave birth to the prince's bastard.

Thom slid under his covers that night, mind too full to sleep. Raoul was trying his hardest to divert Alanna's attention from Jonathan, but it was no mean feat, even for the charming young knight. Jonathan had met Alanna first, and the two did have a lot in common. But she could never be queen, and he suspected she knew it too. She would have duties, more duties than she wanted, and would never fulfill her dream of learning to fight. He knew Raoul taught her in free moments, and she'd learned some skills from George.

"Maybe she should have come here instead of me," he whispered into the darkness. "Maybe we _should_ have switched." _Don't be ridiculous_, another part of his mind argued. _It never would have worked._

* * *

That night, the twins had the same dream.

_A small redhead Alanna now knew to be her knelt in front of the King Roald and Queen Lianne, swearing an oath of fealty. She swore to defend the crown and Tortall all life. In return, the king touched his sword to her shoulders and head, saying gently, "I dub thee Sir Alan, Knight of the Realm of Tortall. Serve honorably and well." She rose, and Alanna couldn't help but be proud of her dream-self. _She really did it. She fooled them all.

_A slender, red-bearded man stepped out of the crowd, beckoning an older-looking Coram forward. Thom recognized himself in the young man grinning at the new knight. "Your Majesties," he said politely, bowing to the king and queen, "I am Thom, Lord of Trebond, and a Master of the Mithran Light. I beg leave, by right of my relationship to Sir Alan, to present him with his shield." Both twins were startled. Thom, a _Master_? And Lord of Trebond? Had Alan died? What about Marinie? Dream-Thom motioned at the leather-covered object Coram bore._

_The king inclined his head, refusing to stare at the very young Master. "You have the right, Lord Thom."_

_Thom removed the shield cover, revealing a black tower on a red field: the Trebond arms. Alanna took it and settled it on her arm. She bowed to her brother and to the king and queen. The crowd cheered, and she blushed. The twins watching grinned at her embarrassment. _

_Next thing they knew, they were in rooms that must have been Alanna's to put her shield away. Thom greeted a black cat with violet eyes that startled both the twins. "I thought you weren't going to be here," dream-Alanna said, touching the shield with a bandaged hand. "This is beautiful."_

_"I was held up because I wanted to make it secretly. Watch this." Smiling slightly, he passed his hand over the shield's face. Dream-Alanna, Alanna, and Thom stared as the black tower faded, leaving instead a great gold cat on its hind legs._

_"What is it?" she asked as the cat faded and the tower reappeared. The dream twins covered the shield and put it in the dressing room._

_"It's a lioness rampant, of course. For when you reveal what you really are. Let's go to dinner; I'm starved."_

_The dreaming twins watched themselves leave, considering what they had just seen. Alanna knighted, Thom a Master. Is this what would have awaited them had they not been such cowards six years ago?_

* * *

_A nice, short chapter for you. I'll try to get something else written this weekend. For now, I'm too tired to write anything more here. Hope everyone had good weeks, and has a lovely weekend. Thanks for reading!_

_I love it when I forget to put in breaks. Sorry, guys. They've stopped transferring from Word, so I have to put them in after uploading the document. It's been an awful week, so my mind has been wandering a lot. PS - all the dreams are from the books, edited for my purposes. If you recognize it, it isn't mine.  
_


	9. Eight

**EIGHT**

September flew by as more princesses arrived at the palace. Each time another one arrived, the king and queen formally presented her to the rest of the Court. Each time, Alanna had to stand back and watch as Jonathan danced and flirted with the princesses. Delia and Cythera did their best to console her, but they were wrapped up with Alex and Gary, happy as could be. Alanna, Raoul, Gary, Cythera, Alex, and Delia often stood together, but broken off into groups of two. Once in awhile, Thom would come over to stand with them, but he was no fun, always whining about his duties. Duke Roger occasionally floated over to converse with Alanna, at which point Raoul found something else to do. The duke made her comfortable, but she couldn't place why. During one of these events, she was introduced to Sir Myles of Olau, one of Thom's teachers, and a scholar. He kept Alanna and Raoul entertained with his commentary on the other courtiers.

As the ball for the Marenite princess wound down, Jonathan escaped and reappeared behind Alanna. He placed a hand on the small of her back, making her jump. "Jonathan!" she hissed. "Don't you have things to do?"

"Allegedly." He gave her a wicked grin. "But I can give them the slip. Come with me."

"You're going to get in trouble," Thom warned dryly. "Actually, never mind. _I_ am going to get in trouble for allowing you to disappear."

"Are you really so bad a liar?" asked the prince. "Tell them you didn't know. You were talking to Raoul." He shifted his gaze to the big knight, who shrugged.

"I never saw you leave." Alanna gave him a grateful smile, which made his insides twist. What was he doing, helping them run off?

"Come on, then." The young prince hurried the lady out a side exit, and down the winding hallways. They snuck into the portrait hall. The stopped at the other end, where it was darker. Jonathan faced her, placing his hands on her hips.

"You can hardly expect me to kiss you in front of all your ancestors," she said, folding her arms over her chest. "No one will ever approve of me then."

Jonathan laughed. "I'm sure they won't mind." He gently unfolded her arms, lacing his fingers through hers. "Since when do you need approval, anyway?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Since you started sneaking around to see me when your parents can't see you spending time with a noble." There was an edge to his voice that made him step back. "Never mind my lineage – I'm no princess."

"Don't talk like that," he whispered. "This is all a 'maybe'. Just in case, really. I'm doing this to make them happy."

"So you don't like any of them?" she wanted to know. "You could have fooled me."

"I don't _know_ them," he said. "Not like I know you."

"I feel _so_ comforted."

"Stop this." He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders. "I _see_ you, don't I? So I need to play nice for now. That will change, once they've been here awhile. You have to stroke royal egos, sometimes, Alanna. I have to make them feel important, give them each some time with me."

"It's a game."

"Yes." Jonathan sighed. "It is a sort of game." He shrugged. "They don't mean anything, Alanna. I swear." He searched her violet eyes. "Do you believe me?"

"Yes," she whispered, but he saw a question in her eyes. "I believe you." They watched each other for a moment, tension growing with each passing second.

Jonathan sighed, cutting it. "Can I kiss you now?" he asked.

She grinned. "You're the prince. All you have to do is tell me."

"I'd much rather ask." His eyes danced. "That way I know you actually _want_ me to kiss you."

"There's no need." She stepped closer, creating contact points that sent shivers down her spine. "I _always_ want to kiss you."

"Good." He released one of her hands, sliding it under her hair and kissing her. She took her free arm and wrapped it around his back, pulling him toward her. She still wasn't sure he was telling the truth, but it would have to do for the time being.

* * *

The Saren princess was the last to arrive. Her presentation fell on the first of October, a day that dawned with nicer weather. Not wanting to miss out, she headed down to the stables in the hopes of getting to ride before the weather turned miserable again.

Alanna was in the stable, grooming the mare George had given her. She had chosen to call the horse Moonlight, for her golden coat and pale mane and tail. She had a plan to steal Thom away for a ride, but wanted to spend some quality time with her horse first, knowing Thom would only whine if she took too long later.

"She's beautiful," a voice murmured. Alanna looked up to see a striking young woman with pale skin, crimson lips, hazel eyes, and black hair leaning on the stall door.

"Thank you," Alanna said with a smile. "Her name is Moonlight. She was a gift."

The woman raised an eyebrow. "From a _very_ good friend." She cast an approving eye over the horse. "How does she ride?"

"Smooth." Alanna absently ran her hand over the horse's coat. "Comfortable." She flashed a grin. "Fast."

Her companion laughed. "The best way they come." She smiled. "I'm Thayet."

"Alanna." She glanced between her horse and her new acquaintance. "Do you ride?"

"Of course!"

"Silly question." Alanna smiled. "I was going to fetch my brother to ride with me, but if you would like to go…"

Thayet lit up. "I would love to. Give me a moment."

"Sure." Alanna returned to grooming her horse. She overheard voices, but couldn't make out more than snippets of conversation. She shrugged and kept working.

Thayet returned. "How soon will you be ready?"

"Not long."

"Perfect." The woman disappeared.

With ten minutes, Alanna had finished tacking the mare and stood by a mounting block, waiting for Thayet. Soon after, the young woman emerged, leading a leggy chestnut. Alanna cast an approving eye over the mount. "You like him?" Thayet asked with a grin. "He was a gift for my birthday from my father."

"He's beautiful." Alanna mounted her horse, glad to have found another noblewoman who enjoyed rides as much as she did. "Do you know the grounds at all?"

"No. I've just arrived." She swung herself into the saddle with practiced ease. "Do you?"

"Well enough." Alanna drew up beside her. "How long do you want to ride for?"

"Not too long." She glanced in the direction of the stable, where Alanna saw three people hidden in the shadows. "I'm under strict instructions not to go too far, too fast, or to be gone more than an hour."

Alanna grinned. "That's easy enough." She glanced at the people clearly watching Thayet. "Handlers?"

"Something like that," she sighed. "Can we not talk about it?"

Alanna shrugged. "Suits me fine. Let's go."

* * *

After the ride, Alanna left Thayet at the stables. She wandered to her rooms, cheeks pink from the chilly wind whipping against them. Of course, she ran into Jonathan and Thom on their way in from the practice courts. "You look healthy," Thom commented.

"As opposed to my typically sickly appearance?" Alanna countered. Thom rolled his eyes. Was she going to leave soon? "I was out for a ride."

"_Alone_?" the prince and his squire asked in unison, looking horrified.

"No." Alanna rolled her eyes. "I'm not a _moron_. I had company."

"Who?" Jon asked, trying to sound curious rather than prying.

She flashed him a grin. "I don't see how it's any concern of yours. I came back fine, that's all you need to know. Now, I'm sure you have things to attend to before this evening's ball, so I'll just head off to my rooms now…" She waggled her fingers as them and practically skipped down the hall.

Thom looked at Jonathan. "Tired of her yet?"

"Not in the slightest." He grinned down at her. "Come on, squire. Your sister was right. We _do_ have things to go."

Thom sighed. "If I'd known about this when you asked me to be your squire, I never would have agreed." Jonathan laughed as they continued down the hall.

Alanna, meanwhile, had run into Raoul. _Are _all_ the knights about?_ she thought. "Hello, Raoul."

"Hello, Alanna." He looked her up and down. "You look invigorated. Go for a ride?"

"I did." She smiled. "It was wonderful."

"I'm sure. Let me know. Maybe I'll join you next time."

"I'd like that. I'll warn you, though, I don't talk much when I'm beating people in a race."

"Oh, you think you could beat me, hm?"

"No." She grinned. "I _know_ I could beat you and that oaf of a warhorse of yours."

"My 'oaf of a warhorse' is quite fast, thank you very much."

"And my slender Moonlight is faster. I'd put money on it."

"You're on." They shook on it, eyes glittering. "Tomorrow, if the weather's nice?"

Alanna nodded. "I have nothing planned."

"I'll cancel mine, then."

* * *

"Which princess is it tonight?" Alanna asked, sidling up to her brother that evening. She wore a lavender gown, the same she'd worn for the first princess' arrival. She doubted anyone would particularly care, and there was only so much her family could spend to dress her for these festivities.

"The last one," Thom told her, sounding relieved. "She's the daughter of the Saren warlord and his K'miri bride. They say Kalasin is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Hm." Alanna nodded. "Have you seen her?"

"Not yet. But she's rumored to be beautiful." Alanna glanced at Jonathan, who was fidgeting and looked impatient. She knew he was as tired of these as his squire. The other princesses looked annoyed, and kept eyeing each other suspiciously. "I hope she's better than the others. They'd all make terrible queens."

"He could always marry a Tortallan," Alanna pointed out. Thom glanced at her and she shrugged, leaving to go stand by her friends.

"What did he say?" Delia asked from her place beside Alex.

"This is the last one. She's from Sarain," Alanna said, going to stand between Raoul and Gary. "Apparently, her mother is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Sarain is a rough place," Gary observed. "Her father's held power less than a year, and it's a shaky crown. If you could call it a crown – he's really more of a warlord." Everyone stare at him. "What?"

"You know too much," Alex told his friend. "Now shh."

"Why would they want Jon to marry the daughter of a warlord with no security?" Alanna asked, interested in what he had to say. "Why not one of the princesses with a more secure royal line?"

"Because she's beautiful," Gary answered simply. "And I think there is a great deal of respect for her mother, if not her father."

"Hm." Alanna turned her attention to the staircase, where the herald now stood. "Thank you."

"Your majesties, may I present the Saren delegation." Three tan-skinned people – two women and a man – walked down, followed by the ambassador and his wife. They paid respect to the royal family and stepped aside. The tan-skinned ones kept a watchful eye on the staircase and the crowd, while the ambassador seemed to be a nervous person. "Your majesties, your highness, Princess Thayet _jian_ Wilima of Sarain." _Thayet?_ Alanna's eyes widened as her riding companion descended, dark hair braided and pinned, radiant in a red gown the same color as the pages and squires wore.

"Gods," Gary murmured. "They weren't kidding, were they?"

Her eyes darted to Jonathan, who sat up a little straighter, and to the other princesses, who looked concerned. Finally, she looked back at Thayet, who had a determined look in her hazel eyes, with a hint of amusement. _She didn't tell me she was a princess,_ Alanna thought, still reeling from the shock. _I spent the whole morning with someone who could be my queen and she didn't tell me._ Thayet curtsied to the royals, catching Jonathan's eye on her way up. He inclined his head to her ever so slightly, just as he'd done to the previous princesses. But there was something different about this. Alanna could tell.

Once the formalities were over, everyone split and the music began. The group turned in on itself. "She really is beautiful," Delia said, stealing a glance in the princess's direction. "I can't imagine what her mother looks like if that isn't the most beautiful woman in the world."

"She has a better sort of look about her," Raoul commented. "She's different."

"She is," Alanna murmured. All attention was fixed on her. She looked down. "We went riding this morning."

"_What_?"

She looked up. "I didn't _know_! She saw me in the stables, and said hello, and we went for a ride. We didn't talk much, but she was very nice. I didn't even _suspect_…"

Raoul grinned. "She might be good for Jon, if she's going for rides with you. She keep up with you?"

Alanna nodded. "Her horse is beautiful. She rides like she was born in a saddle."

"That would make sense, her mother being K'miri-" Gary began.

Cythera gently covered his mouth with her hand. "Not now," she told him.

"Look at the other princesses," Delia said with a laugh. "They're all staring at her jealously."

Everyone turned to look. The other princesses gave Thayet a wide berth. The former rivals stood in a group, whispering and giving the newcomer dark looks. Thayet ignored them, conversing easily with Duke Gareth while Jonathan and his parents talked with the ambassador. Her tanned companions stood close to her, eyes watchful. _Bodyguards,_ Alanna realized. "Who is she?" she asked. "The ones guarding her?"

"K'miri tribesmen," Gary answered. "Her mother is K'miri, so I would guess they protect her mother, and thus Thayet." Before Alanna could ask more questions, the music started up. Jonathan dutifully rose from his seat and strode over to Thayet. He bowed and offered her a hand. She curtsied and accepted. The two moved into the center, and began their dance. Several bars in, Duke Gareth joined them, as did the king and queen. Duke Baird, chief of the palace healers, joined after that. The king's advisers all joined the prince and princess in the first dance, while everyone else watched. Jonathan would have time after to talk to Thayet. Alanna wasn't sure how she felt about that. There was no way she could compete with a woman like that.

* * *

"I don't want a dream tonight," Alanna told the darkness. "I would really just like to sleep. I'm not in the mood to see what might have happened had Thom and I swapped. May I please just sleep?" She lay her head down on the pillow and stared into the emptiness, scared to fall asleep and have another dream. She didn't want to think about what might have happened had she made a different decision six years ago. Not after all the work she had done to adjust to this one. Besides, Raoul was teaching her. She wouldn't have a full knight's education, but she could come close enough, couldn't she?

Eventually, she fell asleep against her will.

But she did not dream.

* * *

_This is way longer than I realized. I'm sorry if you're completely bored by this. I didn't mean it to be so long! Hope you enjoyed it anyway._


	10. Nine

**NINE**

Alanna sought out Princess Thayet the following day, and found her at the stables. "Good morning, Alanna," the woman greeted brightly. "Care to go on another ride?"

"You didn't tell me you were a _princess_," Alanna stage-whispered. She quickly curtsied as etiquette demanded.

Thayet sighed. "Please don't do that. It makes me uncomfortable."

"You're a _princess_," Alanna repeated.

"So you've said." Thayet fixed steely hazel eyes on her. "And what of it? I'm tired of being treated differently because my father was more brutal than the next man."

"Thayet!" a voice hissed. Alanna and Thayet turned to see a sturdy woman around Alanna's height. Alanna recognized her as one of Thayet's bodyguards.

"He isn't _here_, Buri." Thayet rolled her eyes. "And what have I said that isn't true? You know as well as I that father isn't a particularly good ruler."

"Stop it," the woman called Buri hissed. "I _also_ know that your father has ears, and your mother will kill me if I let anything happen to you, accidental or not."

"She's overprotective," Thayet coolly explained to Alanna. "My father dislikes it when people speak ill of him." She shrugged. "He could never have me killed, as Buri well knows. He needs me to make a good marriage to legitimize his crown."

"You shouldn't be telling me this," Alanna murmured. "I'm only a courtier."

"Oh please," Thayet scoffed. "Unless I'm going blind, you're the twin sister of the prince's squire – Thom of Trebond. You can hardly expect me to believe that you don't know _anything_."

Alanna shrugged. "When it comes to politics in your country, I don't. They don't teach us those things at the Convent."

"I'd imagine not." Thayet frowned. "Is this really going to affect our friendship, Alanna of Trebond? Because I rather enjoyed our ride yesterday."

"I don't know," Alanna admitted slowly. "You're not like the other princesses, but my mother would kill me if I did anything improper. She's obsessed with marrying me off to someone powerful."

Thayet laughed. "It sounds as if we have similar situations, to an extent." She smiled. "I would very much like to be your friend. I doubt any of my royal cousins care to befriend me."

"They did seem to hate you," the redhead agreed. "But, I would hate you too if I were as committed to enticing Prince Jonathan." A little voice in the back of her head told her she _did_ want to entice Prince Jonathan, but she ignored it. Thayet may have been in the running to be queen, but Alanna could see herself liking the woman. Some small part of her hoped that Jonathan would fall in love with Thayet if not with her. She could live with that.

"Good looks are a curse." Thayet fingered the bridge of her nose, the one blight on her beauty. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

* * *

Alanna and Thayet returned from their ride, laughing, cheeks flushed. It was lunchtime, so they were headed in opposite directions. "I suppose I will see you this evening," Thayet said.

"You will." Alanna grinned. "I'm not sure I'll be able to get close to you. You'll have all the young knights after you. Maybe even a few squires too."

The princess laughed. "I am under strict instructions to accept nothing less than the Crown Prince." Her eyes danced. "But I dislike such restrictions. I find them so… stifling."

"I know just how you feel. Goodbye, Thayet."

"Goodbye, Alanna."

Alanna headed down the hall to the dining hall, humming to herself. She sat at a table with Delia and Cythera, who were awaiting the arrivals of the young knights courting them. "You look happy," Delia remarked with a smile. "Did you just leave Sir Raoul?"

"No!" Alanna's cheeks turned pink from embarrassment. "How many times must I tell you he isn't courting me?"

"I'm sure it will stick eventually," Cythera said, ever the peacekeeper, even though she agreed with Delia that there was something between Alanna and Raoul. _If only they knew,_ Alanna thought, glaring at them.

"Did you go for a ride without me?" the man in question asked, appearing at the table. He put his hand over his heart. "I'm crushed."

"I'm sorry!" Alanna had completely forgotten about their planned race in her search for Thayet. "We could go later, if you'd like. I didn't ride hard." It was the truth – she and Thayet kept their pace to a walk, an appropriate pace to hold a conversation.

"I would hate to think my oaf and I had an unfair advantage." Raoul smiled, sitting as Gary and Alex joined them. "Some other time. I have things to do this afternoon."

"Yes, as Jonathan's closest friends, we're taking his highness and the visiting princesses out on a tour of the nearby lands," Gary said. "We will serve as both entertainment and protection."

"It will be an _exhilarating_ afternoon," Raoul added sarcastically. "I so look forward to arguing the names of different shades of pink with Princess Josiane."

"You have Josiane?" Alex asked with a smile. "Be careful with her, Raoul. The Rittevons are mad."

"I know that," Raoul sighed. "Perhaps they think I can handle a small thing like her if she goes mad on me during the tour."

"I have the one from Galla," Gary offered. "She's only fifteen – the youngest of the king's daughters. She's silly, but the Gallan royal family is older than Tortall's, so I get to be her sitter for the day."

"They sent a _fifteen_ year old?" Alanna asked incredulously. "That's far too young to be married!"

"Jon's only nineteen," Gary reminded her. "And they marry younger in the city. Even the nobles do, sometimes."

"Who else is going?" Cythera asked, trying to change the topic. "Of the knights, I mean."

"Let's see." Gary counted them off on his fingers. "Copper Isles, Galla, Tyra, Maren, Tusaine, Sarain. Six knights, plus Jonathan and whatever guard His Majesty sends. I heard talk Duke Roger will be joining us. In the hopes that his strength as a mage will deter trouble, I'd imagine."

"Who has the task of watching Princess Thayet?" Delia wanted to know. "Or is His Highness taking her for himself?"

"No," Gary said. "That would be improper. Jonathan has to rotate his attentions between all the princesses. I'm not sure. Someone outside our group, clearly."

"Make sure it's someone intelligent," Alanna commented. "She's very bright, and has a lot of questions." The knights looked at her. "Not to say you aren't all intelligent," she covered smoothly, knowing better than to insult their pride. "But you need to give her someone she can talk to. Alex or Gary, you'd keep up with her. Even Thom could."

"Thom can't," Alex said, avoiding the question of how Alanna knew this about the princess. "He's only a squire. But he'll be there."

"All our squires will," Gary added. "I, for one, plan on letting him talk to the fifteen year old. He's taken a liking to her."

"Poor soul," Cythera remarked. "That is one crush that will amount to nothing." She smiled as Gary squeezed her hand. Alex kissed Delia's cheek. Raoul and Alanna shifted in their seats. _I need to find less in love friends,_ Alanna thought. _Or I am really going to start to resent them._

* * *

With everyone gone, Alanna decided to pay a visit to George that afternoon. She dressed in a simple dark blue dress, doing her best not to draw attention to herself. When she arrived, George smiled and rose to greet her. "Afternoon, lass," he said as one of his men pulled up a chair for her. "What brings ye to the Dove?"

"I missed your smiling face," she replied with a smile. "That, and I was bored at the palace."

"Bein' noble seems boring to me," George admitted.

"It is, sometimes." Alanna shrugged. "Being a noble_woman_ is worst of all."

He gave her a sympathetic smile. "You don't make your own fun?"

"I do." She opened her arms, indicating the Dove. "That's why I'm here."

The thief laughed. "You are." He leaned back in his seat. "So. The prince taken a liking to any of the princesses?"

"It's hard to tell," Alanna said, choosing her words carefully. "None of them seem to interest him much, aside from the new one, from Sarain."

George whistled. "Sarain's a dangerous place. Rumor has it she's beautiful."

"She is. But not as docile as the others. Her horse is a beauty."

"You like her."

"I do." Alanna nodded. "She's different. We have a lot in common." George raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "Enough about the palace. I get enough of it when I'm there. What's new here?"

"Nothin' I can tell you about," he told her with a wink. "Not that I think you'd turn me in, a Rogue's just got to be careful."

"I understand." She smiled and accepted the lemonade the barman placed in front of her. "I'd hate to see the Lord Provost come after you. I like you too much."

"Thank you, lass." He smiled. "I'd like to see the look in his face if you ever tell him that."

Alanna laughed. "There are a few other faces I would like to see when they learn of who your friends in the palace are."

"It might be worth gettin' caught – just to see those faces." George grinned. "Not to worry, lass. I've no intention of gettin' caught. I've been at this too long to slip up now."

"Don't get arrogant," she warned him. "That's when you'll start _making_ mistakes."

"I've a mother already, Mistress Alanna. I don't need you motherin' me, too."

* * *

That night's dream brought Alanna to the Lesser Library, with George, dressed as a monk. _This will be interesting,_ she thought, settling herself in a chair where she could see the interaction.

_"I'm just having trouble seeing you turn decent citizen," Dream-Alanna said from her place on a table. "Who will you give your collection of ears to? And what trade will you take up? Jewel-selling? Returning what you stole, for a fee, of course?"_

_"I'm in no hurry. King Roald is a young man still. You see, I'm waitin' for my chosen bride to grow up. She couldn't be some citizen's daughter, could she? She must be a free soul who knows my past, who doesn't care for what's proper and what's not. Someone who wouldn't scream when she opened my treasure and found the collection you mentioned."_

_Dream-Alanna wiped her hands on her tunic, and Alanna leaned in, thinking she knew the direction of this conversation. "Good luck, George. I don't think a woman like that exists."_

_He stood and pulled her off the table. "I've already found her, and you know it well."_

_"You think highly of yourself! I'm the daughter of a noble-"_

_He laughed softly. "Does that truly stand between us, Alanna? If you loved, would you care about birth or wealth?"_

_"Like must wed like," she whispered. Alanna was startled by the words of her dream self. _Like must wed like._ How strange it was, to have those words turned around in her real life._

_"There are more important things than birth. What good will a well-born husband be when you take up your shield?"_

_"No husband at all will do me the most good. I don't plan to marry, and I certainly don't plan to fall in love."_

_"So you say now. I'm a patient man, lass. If need be, I'll wait years. And I'll not speak of this to you again. I only wanted you to know I'm yours to command." He grinned, and Alanna tried to move away._

_"We can go on being friends like before?"_

_"Friends, and good ones, I trust. Confess it, lass, you'd miss me sorely, were I not about." _

_"I – I won't let it ruin our friendship, George."_

_"And I won't speak of it again till you ask it. Look at me, Alanna."_

_Dream-Alanna looked up. George kissed her, pulling her close. Real Alanna raised her eyebrows as her dream self relaxed into his kiss. George pushed her away, leaving Alanna blushing. "This goes too far," he said. "I only – I only wanted you to know how I feel, before you go marchin' off to some battlefield."_ War?_ Alanna thought, startled. She was going off to _war_?_

_"You pick a funny way to say goodbye, George."_

As the dream faded and her eyes opened, she considered this new development. George loved her dream self. She hoped he didn't love her now. That would make things far more complicated, and she didn't need complicated. _Why can't this be easy?_ she wondered, rolling onto her other side to go back to sleep._ Love's too fun to be so hard. _

* * *

_That was a longer dream than I typically like to include. I hate putting so much of her original words in a fan fiction. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


	11. Ten

**TEN**

By November, the king and queen figured out who did and did not have a chance at Jonathan's affections, and diplomatically sent some of the delegations home. As December blew in, only Thayet and Josiane remained. Throughout those months, Jonathan had to work harder and harder to sneak any time in with Alanna. As a result, she spent more time with Raoul, and even squeezed in some meetings with Thayet. They talked about everything except Jonathan. Alanna did not know where Thayet stood on the Prince, and Thayet did not know that he stole kisses with Alanna and visited her nearly every evening before heading off to bed. Sometimes, Alanna considered talking to Thayet, but was reluctant to drive a wedge between them. As Delia and Cythera became more and more wrapped up in Alex and Gary, Alanna drew closer to the princess and Raoul of Goldenlake.

Raoul's feelings for Alanna did not diminish. In fact, he only drew to like her more as time went on. She knew how to be a proper court lady, but could also be fiery. She was intelligent and quick-witted, and truly interested in knight's work. He could not have asked for a better woman. The only problem was that she did not love him – she loved Jonathan. For some reason, she sighed about the Prince to her friend Raoul. He assumed that Thom did not want to hear his sister mooning over his knight-master, and it was dangerous to talk about Jonathan at the Dove. Sometimes, he wanted to grab her by the shoulders, shake her, and tell her he loved her, and that she was better off with him than Jonathan. But if there was one thing the whole ordeal taught him, it was that love could not be chosen at will.

Through it all, Jonathan felt very confused. He did not want to marry Josiane, but she was pretty, and a marriage to her might end the tensions between the Copper Isles and Tortall. Thayet intrigued him in much the same way as Alanna, but he had a hard time figuring her out. She seemed dislike him, but she was guarded. He wanted to crack her, to see if there was anything there. And then there was Alanna. He was certain he loved her, and almost certain she loved him in return. She was patient with him when she didn't have to be. There were other knights who would happily take her – Raoul, for one. Jonathan saw the way the big knight looked at her. Sometimes he considered leaving her to him, but he could never bring himself to do it. He cared for Alanna, and that was not something he could just turn off, much as he might want to.

Midwinter arrived, bringing snow with it. There were balls every night except for the longest night of the year, and the whole palace was in a tizzy to prepare. With two additional royals to accommodate, the masters of ceremony were working harder than normal. Alanna marveled at the preparations. Midwinter at the palace was a bigger deal than she'd realized. She had many gifts to buy, instead of her typical three for Thom, Delia, and Cythera. She always sent money along with Thom's gift, her contribution to their gift for their parents.

Before the first ball, Jonathan met with his parents. "Are you any closer to making up your mind?" Lianne asked, smoothing her skirts.

"No," he answered bluntly. "I haven't even decided if I want to marry one of the princesses yet. There are many fine ladies here in Tortall."

"There are," Roald agreed. "But it would benefit us all if you married a foreign princess."

"I'm sure," his son muttered before covering with an apology. "I know you mean well, but can't you let me be? It is very hard to think with you hovering all the time."

"We are hardly hovering," Roald scoffed. "We're taking an interest in your affairs. It is our duty as your parents."

"Yes," Jonathan said slowly. "But I am a man now, father. And, if I am to be king, you are going to have to trust my judgment. I know what I'm doing. I won't do anything rash. Ask Gary – it is not in my nature. Just…" He sighed. "Never mind. May I go?"

"You may," Lianne cut in, glancing sharply at her husband. "Enjoy the festivities, Jonathan. We won't bother you again until the New Year."

He bowed and walked out, flicking his eyes skyward and thanking every god he could think of.

* * *

Alanna blew out of the hall, fire burning in her eyes. She had seen him flirt with one too many girls. He'd been making his rounds of the room, flirting not only with Josiane and Thayet, but with most of the other eligible court ladies… everyone except for her. There was only so much she could take. It was one thing for him to cover their relationship with the princesses picked by his parents, it was another entirely for him to flirt with ladies no better than her!

Jonathan saw her go and followed her through the halls to the portrait gallery. "Alanna?" he called softly, illuminating the space with the blue fire of his Gift. "Where are you?"

"Right here." She stepped into the radius of his light. "What do you want?"

"I saw you leave." He moved toward her. "You looked upset."

She stepped back. "I'm fine," she snapped, eyes flashing. "I'd hate for you to miss all the fun inside." She waved her hand dismissively. "Go on, then."

"What has gotten _in_ to you?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Them!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the direction of the hall that held beautiful women vying for his attention. She winced inwardly at her tone, but was too overcome with the fire of her temper to revise it.

"What about _them_?"

Alanna turned away from him. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, I _do_." He lit the nearest torch and put a hand on her shoulder, but she wrenched away. "Alanna, I don't understand."

"Maybe that's the problem. Good night, Jonathan." Her voice was cold.

"Gods, Alanna!" he exploded. "Stop talking in riddles and tell me what's wrong!"

She wheeled on him. "How can you stand in there, with them, and then come expect me to fall all over myself for you? Do you think I'm _stupid_? You can't pretend to love me one minute and then fawn over some pretty thing from Blue Harbor the next!"

"I'm sorry I can't court you with rose petals and poetry, but I have a _duty_, Alanna. I have a duty to my _people_, not to mention my _parents_. You may not like it, but that _has_ to come first. So if you want roses and love songs-"

"I don't," she said quietly, looking down at the ground. "I don't want – or need – poem and flowers and grand gestures. Those are silly, and really best left in children's stories. All I want is you to love me." She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Gods, listen to me. I sound like the rest of those idiots." She forced a laugh. "And _look_ at me. I'm such a girl."

Jonathan wrapped his arms around her. She let him. "Shh," he whispered, drawing her close.

"You must think I'm a fool," she said, voice muffled by his shirt.

"No." He kissed the top of her head before stepping back to hold her eyes steady. "I love you," he told her firmly. "Whatever I do in there, I love _you_, understand?" She nodded meekly. "Good." He planted a businesslike kiss on her lips. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He walked off, feeling somewhat confused. She stood there, watching his retreating back, astounded. Had he just told her he _loved_ her? It was one thing for her to consider it, but it was another to hear the word itself. She suspected she loved him, but did she? She had no experience with these things. Until he told her he loved her, she had been sure of her love for him. Now, she just didn't know.

* * *

Alanna went to bed early that night, hoping to avoid Jonathan's knock at her door. She crawled under the covers and willed herself to sleep fast. She regretted it.

_Tonight she stood in the gardens she knew so well, looking at herself in a dress, a black wig on the bench. Jonathan stood there, arm around her waist. She swallowed hard, moving in close to listen. "What's_ that_ supposed to mean?" her dream-self asked._

_"This." He kissed her again and again. Alanna swallowed hard. She knew from experience that Jonathan's kisses were intoxicating. She saw her dream-self falling victim as much as her real self. He stopped kissing her and began unlacing her bodice._

_Dream-Alanna shoved him away. "No!" she gasped, grabbing at the laces. "I was crazy to think – Jonathan, please!"_

_He shook his head, lacing her bodice for her, as her hands were shaking too badly for her to do it herself. "You're fighting was has to be," he said, "and you know it as well as I do."_

_"I – I know no such thing," she stammered. The real Alanna fingered the pregnancy charm she wore around her neck, given to her when she began her monthly bleeding. "Just in case," the priestesses had told her. "I promised myself once that I'd _never_ love a man! Maybe I almost broke that promise just now because of moonlight and silliness-"_

_"Stop it," he told her sternly. He made her look at him. "We belong to each other. Is that silliness? Surely you've realized all along this had to happen." He sighed when she did not answer. "Go away, before I change my mind." Dream-Alanna ran away, leaving the real one to stare at the prince, who watched her go, a sad longing in his blue eyes._

The dream faded as soft knocking awoke her. She sat up quickly, shocked from her dreamland. "Alanna," a voice called softly, sounding concerned. "Alanna, are you awake?" It was Jonathan, come to wish her good night and kiss her. Should she let him in? She closed her eyes and remembered the look in his blue eyes in her dream, remembered his words earlier that evening. Next she realized, she was opening the door.

She was backlit, making her expression unreadable. "Were you asleep?" She nodded. "Should I go?"

"No." She took his hand and tugged him inside, shutting the door behind him. He could see her faintly now, but her eyes were bright. "I-" She stopped, taking a deep breath. He searched her violet eyes for some hint. "I love you too."

"You – what?" Jonathan blinked several times.

"I love you too," she whispered. "Please don't make me say it again."

A slow smile spread across his face. He scooped her in his arms and spun her around once, planting her feet on the floor and a kiss on her lips. She smiled into his mouth and kissed him back. He cupped her face with his hands and pulled away. "I love you," he told her softly, holding her eyes.

"I know," she answered seriously. "I love you too." He kissed her slowly, leaving no question in her mind as to what he was after. She slowly stepped backward, breaking their kiss. He looked at her, question in his blue eyes. She stepped back until she was sitting on the edge of her small bed. Questions answered, Jonathan wordlessly went to lock her door.

* * *

_So, I really liked the very beginning and the very end. Did those, and my triple updates today (two on this, one on "Catch Me"), make up for the suckiness of the middle? Hope you enjoyed it. As always, thank you for reading. In case I don't get to update tomorrow, Happy Memorial Day!_


	12. Eleven

**ELEVEN**

After the New Year, Jonathan and Alanna's nighttime meetings went beyond talking and kisses. They made love nearly every evening before he had to sneak back into his rooms. During the day, they tried to avoid each other, lest anyone guess their relationship had progressed. Sometimes, though, when no one was looking, Jonathan would smile or wink at her and she would turn a deep shade of crimson. Thom knew something was going on – he knew Jonathan didn't get back until the early hours of the morning, and he guessed that it was Alanna and not Thayet occupying his time. Raoul had his suspicions, but could not confirm them. He wasn't sure he wanted to, either.

One sunny, if cold, day, Jonathan, Thom, and their friends decided to go ice-skating. Gary and Alex begged to bring Cythera and Delia. Jonathan agreed, ignoring Thom's sour look. The squire disliked how he couldn't go anywhere with his friends anymore unless their ladies tagged along too. It wasn't that he didn't _like_ the girls, he just wanted some time with his friends without them there. He knew better than to ask if Alanna could come along – she wouldn't pay attention to him, she'd pay attention to Jon, or, if that failed, Raoul. Unfortunately, Jonathan mentioned that his father told him to invite Thayet – Josianne awaited a ship to take her home in Port Caynn – and then added that Thayet and Alanna were friends, so why didn't Alanna join them too? Thom saw Raoul perk up, but caught the glimmer in Jonathan's eye.

He pulled his knight-master aside. "Alanna shouldn't come," he whispered.

"Why?" Jonathan wanted to know, looking peeved.

Thom raised his coppery eyebrows. "You want me to say it?" Jonathan's eyes were hard. Thom sighed. "What good comes of her being there? _You_ have to spend time with Thayet, so either Raoul or I will be stuck with my sulking sister, who keeps looking at the two of you and can't hold a decent conversation. Otherwise, Thayet will feel ignored, want to go home, your parents will be angry, and everyone will know where you go every night."

"How did you know?" Jonathan hissed, looking around to make sure they were alone.

Thom rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, Jon. My room is attached to yours, remember? And I'm a light sleeper. I know what time you come in, and it isn't hard to figure out why you aren't bringing her back to your room instead."

"Stop talking," Jonathan snapped, keeping his voice low. Thom closed his mouth, but shrugged as if to say "you can deny it, but I know the truth." The Prince sighed and rubbed his eyes. "So what do you propose I do?"

"Don't invite my sister," Thom said simply.

"She'll hate me," Jonathan whispered, looking concerned. "She'll be hurt."

"She'll get over it," Thom told him. "Besides, shouldn't she get used to the idea of you not being with her? You know as well as I do that you can't marry her. Not without a fight I _know_ you don't want. If you're so concerned, I'll stay here. I'll tell her I didn't want to go, and you thought she'd be good company. Or, just tell her you know she hates the cold. She's so in love with you she'll be blind to a good lie."

Jonathan frowned. "I don't want to lie to her."

Thom made a frustrated noise. "So _I'll_ lie to her! I'll tell her I didn't want to go, and was selfish and wanted some time with my twin sister. Though, at this point, the first part won't _be_ a lie."

"Watch your tongue, squire," Jonathan warned jokingly, looking amused.

Thom smiled impishly. "If you'll excuse me." He bowed mockingly. "I shall be off to locate my sister, if it pleases Your Highness."

"Go before I change my mind." Jonathan waved his friend off, already moving in the other direction. "Don't let her beat you up, all right?"

"Please. Give me some credit, will you? I'm a knight-to-be. I think I can hold my own against my _sister_."

* * *

The Trebond twins spent the whole day doing nothing but talking – they reminisced, whined about their parents, and laughed about stories not yet shared. Eventually, conversation turned to romance.

"So, why haven't I seen you after the ladies?" Alanna asked. "Even the younger squires seem to be chasing anyone seemingly unattached."

Thom shrugged. "I don't know. None of them interest me, I suppose." Alanna raised an eyebrow. "Not like that!" he exclaimed. "_Gods_, Alanna!"

"What? There's nothing _wrong_ with not liking ladies…"

"Just… stop." Thom shook his head. "If that's what we're going to talk about, I want to change the subject."

"Fine." Alanna pretended to pout, but stopped when Thom glared at her. Then she grinned. "I said _fine_, didn't I?"

"I don't trust you."

"Ouch." She put her hand to her chest. "That hurts."

"You'll live."

"What if I don't? What if your words give me nightmares, and I die in my sleep tonight from a heart attack?"

Thom rolled his eyes. "_Alanna_."

"Fine, fine." She sighed. "Aren't you going to ask me about _my_ romantic life?"

"No. Because I already _know_ about your romantic life."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And how?"

Thom nodded toward the door linking his room to Jonathan's. She was silent. "Thought it was your little secret, didn't you?" She avoided looking at him. "What are you doing, Alanna?" His voice was gentle, quiet. "You know Thayet's here to marry him potentially, right?"

"I know," she answered in a small voice. "I know I shouldn't, Thom, I do. But you've met him. I know you don't think of him like I do, but you've seen how women act around him."

"Please don't elaborate," Thom said, making a face. "I'll use my imagination."

She smiled for only a moment. "And you know I like Thayet. We're great friends. We're more alike than any other ladies I know. I know she and Jon would be good together. She would be a good queen. Better than I would. And he has to think about these things. Not to mention his parents…"

"Their Majesties would love you," Thom said. "Don't cheapen yourself, Alanna."

"Thanks." She sighed, and finally looked at her brother. "I know I should just let them be happy, but I don't think I can. Not yet, anyway." She looked wistful, and Thom felt his heart twist for her. "It's nice to be loved like that, and to have someone show it. I won't bore you with details, but he's so warm and loving, Thom. It's beautiful, like being wrapped in a warm blanket all the time. It makes me so _happy_. Even if I _wanted_ to let go, I don't know if _he_ would. And I couldn't put him through that."

"He's not the only one who loves you," Thom told her quietly. "If you'd open your eyes and see it, that might make it easier. He _could_ love Thayet."

"And I'm standing in the way," she said bitterly. "I've thought about that. Frequently. And I've seen the look in Raoul's eyes. I wish I –" Thom was looking over her shoulder. "What?" She turned to see Raoul standing there.

"Finish that thought," he told her. "I want to hear it." His black eyes were impossible to read.

"Is it time for dinner?" Thom murmured. "I think I'll go meet the others." He scurried out, leaving Raoul standing in the doorway and Alanna in her chair. The two stared at each other, neither sure what to say.

"Finish what you were saying," Raoul repeated, stepping farther into the room. "I want to hear it."

"Raoul, I –"

He held up a hand to stop her. "I thought I was better at hiding it than that. But, now I know for next time." There was humor in his voice, but invisible on his face. He stood just in front of her now, so she stood to avoid craning her neck too far.

"I thought you wanted me to finish," she teased, trying desperately to lighten the mood. She and Raoul were friends. She would hate for anything to change that.

"Well, I've something to say now." Raoul took Alanna's hand and kissed it, hoping to kiss the sadness and concern from her violet eyes. "I'll be here," he promised. "When, or if, you want me. I'll be here. Don't doubt it." He kissed her gently on the mouth and cocked his mouth in a forced half smile. "How am I supposed to complete with the Prince, anyway?"

Alanna laughed. "Any girl would be lucky to have you," she told him. The sadness returned. "I'm sorry I love Jon," she whispered.

"Don't be." Raoul held her shoulders firmly and kissed her forehead. "You can't help it, and I certainly can't blame you. But I'm not going anywhere. Or, at least, I don't intend to."

Alanna smiled wryly. "How come I can't love you instead?" she sighed. "It sounds easier."

Raoul laughed and kissed her forehead again. "Come on, Lady Alanna. Let's meet the others for dinner before they get any ideas about it."

She grinned as Raoul started out. "Raoul?" she called, suddenly concerned.

He stopped and turned around. "Yes?"

"We're still friends, right?"

Raoul smiled with only a trace of sadness. "Of course," he told her, holding out a hand for her to take. "Always."

* * *

After dinner, Jonathan met with his parents as he so often did. They seemed to want near constant updates on his life. He wondered sometimes if it was because of Lianne's weak health, and a related concern about being around to see their son married. "Good evening, Jonathan," his mother greeted with a smile. "Did you have a nice time with your friends?"

"I did." He kissed his parents. "Thom stayed behind, and I gather he and Alanna finally had a chance to catch up fully. He seems better for it."

"Good to hear it." Roald motioned to a chair across from him and his queen. "Sit, please. You must be tired from your skating."

"Thank you." Jonathan sat, looking warily at his parents. "I gather there's something you would like to talk about."

"Very perceptive." Roald nodded. "Yes. We've noticed that only Princess Thayet of Sarain remains, since, at your word, we have sent everyone else home. Princess Josianne leaves for the Copper Isles tomorrow. Does this mean you have chosen to marry her, or will we be sending her back to her parents shortly?"

Jonathan fought his temper, which seemed too quick when it came to the matter of his future bride. "I don't know," he said tensely. "I need some time."

"We don't mean to pressure you, dear," Lianne said, placing a hand on her husband's arm.

"It doesn't feel that way," he muttered.

"What was that?" Roald asked, raising his eyebrows. His father never lost his temper.

"Nothing," Jonathan snapped. "Can we please drop the subject? I'll get back to you once I've made my decision."

"What is standing your way?" Lianne asked gently. "We're your parents, Jonathan. We are supposed to be the tiniest bit annoying." Jonathan smiled. His mother was too sweet to be frustrated with for long. "One of the ladies at Court?" Jonathan nodded. "Who?"

"Alanna of Trebond." His parents were silent. He looked between them, confused. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lianne said. "Just… your squire's _sister_, Jonathan? Is _Thom_ all right with that?"

"Does it matter?"

"We would hate to see you lose a friend, that's all."

"Thom's fine with it," Jonathan dismissed. "I'm more interested in what _you_ think. I'm not sure I like the looks on your faces right now."

"Your friends' directness has rubbed off on you," Roald commented quietly. "We don't know her as well as you, obviously," he began diplomatically, "and I'm certain she's a lovely young lady."

"What is so wrong with her?" Jonathan demanded. "Her house is in the _Book of Gold_, so that can't be it. Is it because her parents are rarely at Court? Because that is _hardly_ her fault."

"Lower your voice, dear," Lianne said, trying to smooth over the situation. Without thinking, Jonathan sent balls of blue fire into the corners of the room, shielding them from listeners. His parents exchanged a glance. When had their son become so quick to use magic?

"What do you have against Alanna?" Jonathan folded his arms across his chest. "Or do you not want me to marry a Tortallan for some other reason?"

"We're sure she's fine, Jonathan," Lianne said. "But she has something of a reputation."

"What _kind_ of reputation?"

"We heard she made trouble at the Convent," Roald cut in. "And she's known to be rather temperamental, not to mention spirited. Those may be wonderful things in a friend and in a first love, but you have to think of Tortall, Jonathan."

"I'm aware of that," he hissed. "Every day, I'm aware of that."

"Mind your tone," Lianne told him gently. "There's no need to lose your temper."

"So you know-" Jonathan turned his blue eyes to his father. "I _like_ spirited. Princess Thayet has fire too. I find it appealing."

"But Princess Thayet does not let it control her, as it seems Alanna does," Roald commented.

"So, what you're saying, is that if Alanna could learn to control herself, you would have no objection to her?"

"We don't _object_ to her-"

"Save it." Jonathan stood up. "I'm leaving now. I apologize for my rudeness, but I no longer wish to have this conversation." He bowed and left the room, taking the blue fire with him. His parents exchanged a look, wondering what had happened to their respectful, if passionate, son.

* * *

Alanna no longer feared her dreams. They came to interest her, for all that she wondered what they meant. That night's dream brought her back to the Dancing Dove, in a room alone with George.

_"Jonathan needs me."_

_George forced her to look at him. "You're in love with Jon, aren't you?" he asked softly. "And me a blind fool not to have seen it before." The real Alanna smiled to herself. It seemed all too similar to the conversations she'd had earlier._

_Dream-Alanna shook him off. "I don't know what love is," she said uncomfortably. "At lest, not the kind _you're_ talking about – the forever kind."_

_George laughed and shook his head. "Lass, when will you learn to see what's before your nose?"_

_Dream-Alanna reached up and tweaked George's nose. Real Alanna's heart went out to them. She felt for this George as she felt for Raoul in her own life. She was almost certain her dream self loved this George, just not enough, and not the way he wanted her to. "When I have something to see," she teased. "So stop trying to make me see something that isn't there."_

She awoke to a gentle hand shaking her. "Alanna." Her eyes fluttered open to see Jonathan, blue light glowing softly in his hand. "I have to go," he whispered.

"Stay," she said, propping herself up. "Thom knows about us."

"But no one else does," he reminded her. He kissed her slowly on the mouth. "You know I _want_ to stay, don't you?"

"Yes." She frowned, then sighed. "All right." She lay back down as he crept silently toward the door. "I love you."

He turned and smiled, light playing across his handsome features. "I never tire of hearing it, or saying it. I love you too." He blew her a kiss and left, leaving her staring after him and wondering what would come of this – both in her dream life and in her real one.

* * *

_This was another surprisingly long chapter – seven pages on Word! I guess it makes up for the lack of posting lately. I apologize. My senior prom was last night, so I've been a bit busy. I'm exhausted, having slept from three until one today. I apologize for any stupid mistakes this chapter may have contained. I really enjoyed this one, and I hope you did too. Thanks for reading!_


	13. Twelve

**TWELVE**

Winter slowly faded. The ice melted, the flowers began to bloom once again. Alanna and Jonathan's affair continued through the months, even as he and Thayet became closer and closer. Thayet graciously pretended not to notice how the Prince looked at her friend, and Alanna made out like she was okay with how close the Prince and Princess were. Raoul did his best to fake that he didn't love Alanna, and Thom just watched the whole melodrama with a smile on his face. Sometime in February, he brightened, and no one knew quite why. Not that anyone was really paying attention. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own lives to notice where Thom slunk off to every now and again.

March brought change. Gary proposed to Cythera, who accepted readily. Delia began eyeing Alex, who felt pressure to propose. The king and queen began prodding their son – gently – to make up his mind. Jonathan spent more time alone than with either Thayet or Alanna, trying to do so, and finding it hard. Months ago, he might have sent Thayet home in an instant if it meant a future with Alanna, but the winter had made the decision a difficult one. Thayet reminded him so much of his squire's spirited sister, but she was more controlled, more regal, and less temperamental. He couldn't control either of them, but Thayet was more manipulative about how she allowed herself to be controlled. He enjoyed their time together, and thought he could possibly come to truly love her, if only Alanna weren't still there.

With Jonathan off on his own and Thom sneaking about, Alanna found herself off on rides or walks with Raoul, with the occasional trip into the City to see George. The more time she spent away from Jonathan and with Raoul, the more she saw in the big knight that she liked. Sure, she had always liked his sense of humor and his easy nature. He let her scream and yell, and just listened calmly. She never saw him lose his temper. She knew he balanced her out, and she liked it. She could see no reason _not_ to love him, other than he wasn't Jonathan. It was enough to drive her crazy.

One particularly warm day, Alanna and Thayet went for a walk around the palace grounds. The cool breeze blew their hair as they talked about everything except for Prince Jonathan. They were about ready to go back in when they heard a commotion. The two ladies rushed to a better vantage point. They saw the gates of the palace opening and a rider riding hard, stopping his sweat-soaked bay suddenly. Both horsewomen winced, knowing that could not have been nice for the horse. The head hostler, Stefan, took the horse in hand, patting his neck and whispering soothingly. The rider scurried inside. Alanna and Thayet exchanged alarmed glances and ran inside.

They found the young knights and their squires in the practice courts. "Something's happened," Alanna told them, eyes full of concern. "Someone just rode in – hard."

Jonathan frowned. "Excuse me," he murmured, slipping out, Thom on his tail. Alanna and Thayet turned their focus to the other young knights, who might have more insight than they did.

"What's going on?" Thayet asked, trying to appear calm. As a visiting princess from a war-torn country, she had a lot to fear if there was trouble, especially if the rider bore news of her home.

Gary shrugged, nudging his squire to keep stretching. "There's some trouble brewing with Tusaine. There were concerns before, but I'm going to go out on a limb and assume they didn't take it well when Jon didn't like their princess."

"You can't be serious," Alanna said. "They would start a war over _that_?"

"Wars have been started over less," Alex remarked, lazily swinging his sword. "Although this may just be a convenient excuse."

"That would mean we'd see some action," Raoul put in. "Some real action. I'm chafing at being so close to Court. I don't know about you, but this isn't why I became a knight." He smiled at Alanna. "Not that it hasn't been lovely knowing you, my lady." He bowed, eyes twinkling.

"No offense taken," Alanna assured him. "I doubt anyone becomes a knight to sit around and serenade the women."

"You'd be surprised," the knight chorused, exchanging smiles. Alanna wasn't sure she wanted to hear those stories.

"What would war mean for us?" Thayet asked, shifting nervously.

Everyone shifted their attention to Gary, who shrugged. "I don't know. We haven't been at war since King Roald took the throne. There's a reason they call him the Peacemaker."

"Staying here sounds _boring_," muttered Alanna. "It's no fun being surrounded by twittering ladies and knights too old to ride into battle."

"So, what, you want to _come_?" Raoul joked. "You're decent with a blade, Alanna, but you aren't _that_ good."

"I could come _help_," she said. "I _can_ heal. I'm _good_."

"We're getting ahead of ourselves," Alex remarked, stopping his sword games. "It might be nothing."

Alanna and Thayet thought back to the rider. There was no way that was _nothing._

* * *

There was no news that night before Alanna went to bed, and Jonathan did not come to visit. She was concerned, having not seen him since he and her brother ran off after she brought news of the rider. She slid under her covers, not entirely sure she wanted a dream tonight.

_Tonight, Alanna watched as her dream self saddled the large black warhorse she knew to be Jonathan's Darkness, purchased from George. She led the stallion to a tent. "No," she told a black cat with shocking purple eyes. "You remain here. I won't have you hacked in two by someone. You can go up by the falls and watch for more trouble there; but stay away from the fighting!" So there was war. Alanna followed, hoping to hear more about what was going on._

_The cat trotted away as Jonathan emerged and jumped onto Darkness's back, a shimmering silver ghost on the black horse. "I take it you told Faithful to stay out of the fighting."_

_Dream-Alanna double-checked Jonathan's saddle. _I must be his squire,_ the real Alanna realized proudly. Her dream self must be some fighter. "He may even obey me, for a change."_

_Jonathan leaned down to grip her shoulder. Alanna saw the worry on his face. "I guess I can't tell you the same, can I?" he asked, so quietly she could barely hear. The real Alanna fought the urge to grab him and kiss him. She was pretty sure that wouldn't work in a dream. _

_"The biggest attack this summer, and I'm supposed to hide in my tent?" her dream self asked. "And me your squire? Are you out of your mind?"_

_Jonathan hesitated, even as the trumpets blew. Alanna's heart melted at the brightness in his sapphire eyes. "Against _one_ warrior I can't worry about you. You've proved you can handle yourself. But again an _army_-" _

_Dream-Alanna covered his hand with hers. "I have my duty, Highness. And this is _my_ home, too. I'm trained to defend it, and defend it I will."_

_Jonathan sighed, donning his helmet. "You know where to find me when you're armed."_

The dream faded as a knock awoke her. She wanted to know what was going on! Muttering swears learned at the Dove, Alanna wrapped her dressing gown around her and moved toward the door. "Who is it?" she asked, trying to sound polite.

"Jon." She opened the door without hesitation to see a tired-looking Jonathan, hair mussed from restless fingers. He entered, and she shut the door behind him, arms wrapped around herself, eyes bright with worry.

"What's going on?" she asked, moving toward him. "I haven't seen you or Thom since you ran off before."

"I've been in War Council," he answered grimly, sitting on the edge of her bed and putting his head in his hands. "Thom's been running errands for us all afternoon." He rubbed his eyes and looked up at her. "We're going to war, Alanna."

She sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He leaned into her with a sigh. "What does that mean?" she asked after a moment.

"Gary, Alex, Raoul, Thom, and I ride out in a week," he replied slowly. "Others will follow shortly after."

"A _week_?" He nodded, and lifted his head to look at her. She saw sadness in his eyes. "Jon, what's wrong?"

"I could have prevented this," he said hoarsely. "This is all my fault. If only I'd told them months ago I didn't want the princesses to come, I wanted to marry you…"

"Shh." Alanna wrapped her arms around him. She tried to push his words from her mind to avoid the feeling they gave her. "It isn't your fault."

He looked up at her. "I love you," he said, pressing his mouth to hers.

"I know." She kissed his forehead. "I love you too." She lay down, pulling him with her, and cuddled against him. He fell asleep quickly. She looked at him for a moment before resting her head on his shoulder and falling asleep herself.

_Her own voice echoed in her dream, even when she did not see herself. "To me, men of Fort Drell! To me!"_

* * *

_I am not kidding when I tell you I have no idea what to do next. So many ideas, so little mental organization… Hope you enjoyed this (shorter) chapter!_


	14. Thirteen

**THIRTEEN**

A week later, Alanna stood in the courtyard with the rest of the ladies watching their loved ones ride off to war. The men checked their gear and checked the girths on their saddles, delaying saying goodbye to the waiting women. Duke Gareth, who led the group, was the first to embrace his waiting wife. Gary followed his father to bid his mother farewell, before wrapping his arms around Cythera for an extended goodbye. The willowy blonde barely held back tears while he checked his horse, and now let them flow freely down her cheeks. Several other knights came into the group, one of which was Alex, who had a tender moment with Delia. Neither knight nor lady were particularly free with emotional displays, but Alanna could see nerves in both of their body language, and fear in their eyes.

Jonathan came over to where Alanna and Thayet stood, Buri behind them. "We're off soon," he said, blue eyes focused on Thayet. "Farewell, princess." He kissed her hand, and she curtsied. He pivoted to look at Alanna, blue eyes locked on hers. She swallowed, trying to make good on her promise not to cry. They had done this properly the night before, but that didn't stop her from wanting to throw her arms around his neck and sob into his shoulder. Instead, she curtsied and said, "Safe travels, Your Highness. Take care of my brother."

He inclined his head and smiled tensely. "Perhaps you should be telling him the same thing. But I will." He moved off, having other people to bid his goodbyes to. Raoul came up to her next. Alanna hugged him, because it was no secret they were friends. She had a hard time, given his size, but he wrapped his arms around her in a crushing bear hug. This time, Alanna let herself cry.

"Hey." Raoul met her eyes and grinned, eyes dancing. "Don't cry. I'll come back alive. Don't worry." He kissed her forehead. "The Tusaines will run once they get a look at me and Gary. Bunch of cowards."

Alanna laughed and wiped her eyes. "I'll try not to worry about you," she told him. "But try not to get yourself killed. My life will be far less interesting without you in it."

Raoul smiled and embraced her one more time. "I'll do my best." He squeezed her hand once before moving aside to reveal her brother. The twins stared at each other, Thom scuffing his boot in the dirt. They weren't very good at goodbyes.

"Well. I guess this is it," Thom said.

"I guess so." Alanna was instantly transported back to that time nearly seven years ago, when she and Thom stood at the crossroads near Trebond, bidding each other goodbye for the next six years. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too." They watched each other for another minute before Thom laughed. "We're ten again." They crashed into a hug, Alanna once again letting tears stream down her cheeks. "Are you crying _again_?"

She swatted at his arm. "You still need your eyes checked. I don't cry." She wiped a tear away even as she said it. Thom grinned impishly at her. Alanna hugged him again. "I really will miss you," she whispered. "Don't die on me, all right?"

"I'll do my best." He stepped back, straightening his tunic. "Well. Goodbye, Alanna."

"Goodbye Thom." She moved back to where she stood before. Thom joined the rest of the group. The ladies retreated closer to the palace as the men mounted up and filed out. Most women wiped their eyes, others openly wept. Alanna swallowed back her tears, refusing to let herself cry any more. _They'll be fine,_ she thought. _There's no need to worry._

* * *

Two weeks later, Alanna was called to Duke Roger's study. Puzzled, she obliged. The duke sat at his desk, reading paperwork. "Your Grace?" Alanna stood in the doorway. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Ah, Lady Alanna. Come in, come in." She did so. "Close the door, if you please." Question in her eyes, she shut the door behind her, staying as far away from him as possible. Something about him turned her stomach in knots, and she wasn't entirely certain why. He folded his hands in front of him. "How are you? I know your friends have gone off to the border."

"I'm fine," she answered. "They know how to take care of themselves."

"They do indeed." Duke Roger smiled, and she felt herself relax. There was no reason for him to put her on edge! She was being silly. "Please, sit." She swept her skirts aside and sat in a chair far from his desk. He moved to sit nearer to her. "Do you have any idea why I've called you here today?"

"None at all," she answered honestly. "If I thought, I might be able to make a few guesses."

"There's no need to guess. It's no secret." He leaned back in his chair. "Several months ago, you took some lessons." She nodded. The lessons had lapsed over time, especially once preparations for the princesses began. She had taken lessons with Jonathan and Thom, whose lives were consumed with the visiting royalty. "With the onset of war, my Uncle seems to have come to his senses, and sees the benefits in having mages about. I hoped you might be interested in resuming your lessons, alone."

"Alone, Your Grace?" Alanna raised her eyebrows. What kind of reputation did she _have_?"

The Duke laughed. "There's no need for concern, Lady Alanna. I am not interested in your virtue." _Good,_ Alanna thought. _Since that's already been taken care of._ "It is easier to teach one-on-one, I find. I can more easily adjust lessons to the areas in which your powers lie." Alanna nodded. "You have some training as a healer, correct?" She nodded again. "I would direct you to Duke Baird for training in that area, but there are many things I can teach you, if you are willing to learn. I cannot be in Corus all the time, so it would be useful to have as many trained mages here as I can manage."

"As I said previously, Your Grace. I would be honored." She paused. "I am just confused as to what this has to do with the war, sir."

Duke Roger smiled. "I forget you have not had the same education as the pages. The enemy often has mages on their side. It is foolish to not have some of our own. The City of the Gods is all well and good, but too much of their teaching is academic magic, not practical. We need practical."

"I would be interested in having the same education as the pages," she admitted. "Not the mathematics and etiquette – I had those at the Convent. But Thom wrote of the history classes. Such things interest me as magic does."

"For that, you should see Sir Myles." Roger smiled. "My memory is rusty, but he keeps track of these things. Isn't your father a scholar?"

"He is." A smile touched her mouth. "But he is no teacher."

Roger laughed. "Ah, one of those. Too absorbed to explain it in simple terms. I know the feeling." He rose. "Very well, then, Lady Alanna. Come here every day after lunch, and we will begin our lessons." Alanna stood and curtsied.

Before leaving, she remembered something and turned. "I hate to ask, Your Grace, but is there any news?"

"From the war, you mean?" She nodded. "I have only general reports at the moment, and I assume you mean news of your friends. I shall see what I can learn before our next meeting."

"Thank you, Your Grace." She curtsied again. "Have a pleasant afternoon."

"You as well, Lady Alanna."

* * *

The war made the atmosphere at the palace tense. Everyone seemed concerned about the men fighting, and no one believed they were allowed to have fun while their men were at risk. Alanna spent time not in lessons with Duke Roger reading books he gave her or grooming her mare. Thayet joined her in both endeavors, as Cythera and Delia joined a circle of ladies who stitched to pass the time and calm their nerves. Every night, Alanna went to bed hoping for a dream to occupy her thoughts, but none came. She didn't visit George, but a talk with Stefan revealed he understood her desire to stay near the palace, in case word came back about one of her friends.

March turned into April, and the war seemed as if it would never end. Alanna became more and more frustrated, and often expressed as much to Duke Roger. "I don't understand," she fumed. "I can _heal_! Why can't I go _help_?" He couldn't give her a good answer, which only frustrated her more. He tried to make her channel her energy, but it was useless. Several days in a row, he sent her off saying he had a headache from all her yelling and screaming.

On the night of April 5th, Alanna had a dream. She nearly screamed with joy when _she found herself standing outside a tent in the desert. She stepped in to see her happily cuddled against Jonathan. She smiled. It had been too long since she'd seen him, and he looked just as good in her dream as he did in real life._

_"Come as my betrothed." It seemed she had stumbled in at a climactic moment. She nearly fell over. Jonathan was proposing to her?_

_"Jon, I can't."_

_"Why not?" _Yes, why not_? she wanted to yell at herself. _You dolt, you love him, don't you_?_

_"Because I'm a scandal. I killed your cousin. For six years I was disguised as a boy-" _Why did I kill Duke Roger_? Alanna could think of no other royal cousins._

_"_I_ knew what you were, for most of that time."_

_"You should marry a princess who'll bring you power and gold. That's your duty. And you should marry a virgin." Her own words stung. All of those things were true, and none of them applied to her._

_"You were a virgin when we first made love." A chill ran down her spine. For a dream in her alternate reality, the one where she was a knight, this was all so similar._

_"No one _else_ knows that!" Dream-Alanna lowered her voice. "They'll say I was in bed with a whole regiment, behind your back."_

_"Do you think your friends will permit that kind of talk? You have more friends at Court than you know. As to my marrying someone who will bring me power – what of you? You're a woman knight and a Bazhir shaman. I could marry the daughter of a Bazhir chief, and not gain as much stature as I will if I marry you. Besides, I'm tired of worrying about such things. I want what _I_ want, not just what's good for Tortall. I've spent my entire life watching what I say and do, for fear of upsetting the merchants, or the Gallans, or the priests, or _anyone_. _They_ should worry about upsetting _me_ – not the other way around!" She had never heard him sound so proud. It made her squirm._

_"Is that why you're asking _me_ to marry you? Because you want to prove to everyone you don't care?"_

_Alanna fidgeted in the long moment it took him to answer. "I thought you loved me, Alanna."_

_"I do! I do! But-" _

_"Marry me, sweet one. I love you. I want you for my wife."_

His words echoed in her mind as the dream faded and she awoke to the sunlight streaming through her window. Was that what he really thought? Did he love her because he wanted to defy his parents? No – he couldn't. That wasn't the Jonathan she knew – the Jonathan she loved. He would never think those things. _It was just a dream,_ she reminded herself. _Just a dream. That Alanna is a lady knight. You're no lady knight. You're just a lady. That Jonathan isn't your Jonathan. Don't give it another thought._

But, as she dressed for the day, she found it hard to think of anything else.

BREAK – BREAK – BREAK – BREAK – BREAK

_So, I liked the beginning and I liked the end. The middle part… it was filler, pure and simple. It may help me set something up later, but I'm not sure. Hope you enjoyed it!_


	15. Fourteen

**FOURTEEN**

The rest of March and half of April passed by as the war raged on. Many nobles returned to their estates, leaving the palace noticeably empty. Alanna chose to stay, for her lessons with Duke Roger and because she felt no particular inclination to spend time with her parents. Her mother encouraged her to be around them as they awaited news from her brother, but she continuously responded that she could get news more easily at the palace, and she felt bad leaving Princess Thayet. (Mentioning Thayet always helped, as Marinie rejoiced at her daughter's friendship with the Prince's presumed future bride.) Alanna passed her days in lessons and with Thayet, never straying far from the palace in case that was the day news came of the war's end.

Such news came on a cold, rainy mid-April day. King Roald announced at dinner that Tusaine sought peace negotiations, so the preliminary force would return home within the week. A cry went up among the nobles who stayed, mostly the families of that very force. Alanna and Thayet embraced warmly, both excited to see their friends, but especially Prince Jonathan.

The men rode in six days later, arriving in the courtyard to cries and trumpets and ladies waving scarves. Raoul's black eyes scanned the crowd, and finally found the girl he was looking for. Dressed all in golden yellow, a petite redhead barely contained the smile on her face. She waved nothing, but shifted constantly, clearly holding herself back from racing toward the group. She stood between a tall, willowy blonde and a black-haired beauty. Both ladies were more beautiful than their shorter companion, but Raoul saw no others.

Two other sets of eyes sought the same girl. One belonged to her twin brother, who looked for a friendly face. They locked eyes and she waved, grinning. He felt relieved that she had clearly missed him. Sometimes he worried she only spent time with him to be nearer to his knight-master. The past month had been filled with Jonathan's moaning about the difficult decision he had to make – so much that Thom of Trebond practically _prayed_ for battle. His knight-master first acknowledged his parents, then the princess there with hopes of marrying him, and finally found Alanna. He caught her eyes and smiled slightly, inclining his head. She curtsied, respectfully lowering her gaze. Only those examining the exchange would have seen her glance up at him from under her lashes and smile.

* * *

After they had time to bathe and change, the young knights sought out their ladies. Gary kissed Cythera's hand before pulling her close as she wept into his shoulder from sheer relief. Alex and Delia quietly moved off into a corner where they could greet each other more privately. Thom and Raoul remained, Jonathan having met with Thayet and his parents separately. "Welcome back," Alanna said, smiling. "Productive trip?"

"You're funny," Thom remarked sarcastically. "Really. Have the Players sought you out yet?"

"Thom!" Alanna feigned shock. "Is that how you greet your sister after nearly a month? I have been so worried about you!"

"I'm sure." He hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Hello, Alanna. Miss me much?"

"More than I'll ever admit." The twins smiled at each other. Raoul gave Thom a meaningful glance, and the squire slid off, a wicked smile playing on his lips.

"You didn't write," Raoul commented.

"I didn't write anyone," Alanna answered, "so there's no need to be hurt."

"I'm not." He smiled. "I would be if you'd written anyone else and not me."

"Well, there's no need to be concerned." She disliked the way her stomach turned over at his smile. She'd seen him smile before. "Don't I get a proper greeting? I've missed you terrible. You can't imagine how boring life has been around the palace without you here to keep me entertained."

"I'm sure I could." Raoul took her hand and kissed it. "Good afternoon, my lady. My heart has hurt since I left your side. Can you find it in your sweet, gentle soul to forgive a knight for doing his duty, thought it meant leaving you alone for so long?"

"How hard do those Tusaines hit?" Alanna wanted to know, smiling in spite of her words. "You've gone silly."

Raoul's eyes twinkled. "Some distance gives a man some perspective," he argued.

"What does that mean?" Alanna demanded.

"What does what mean?" Both turned to see Jonathan standing there, blue eyes flicking with forced ambivalence.

"Nothing." Raoul dropped her hand, which she had forgotten he still held. "I should go… do something else." He moved away, leaving the Prince and Alanna alone.

Jonathan turned his attention back to Alanna. "Don't I get a hello?"

Alanna curtsied. "Welcome back, Your Highness. I'm glad to see you have returned to us in one piece."

"As am I, Lady Alanna." He acknowledged her curtsy. A moment passed. "How did you manage without us?"

"Poorly," she answered. "It took two weeks for people to leave, and only a few days before my mother began pestering me to go back to Trebond. Thayet and Duke Roger were good company, though, I have to admit."

"I'm sure." Jonathan smiled. "We missed your company as well."

"I hope you thought of the Tusaines on the other side of the river more than you thought of me."

"Oh, I'd say it was about half and half."

"I hope you're kidding. For their sake." Jonathan laughed, and Alanna smiled. She felt butterflies, but her stomach did not turn over. "Well, I should be going. I have a lesson before long. I'll see you at dinner this evening?"

"You will." Jonathan kissed her hand, eyes lingering on hers. "Until then, Lady Alanna."

"Until then."

* * *

She didn't let him in her room that night. Or the next. In between, she avoided him. She didn't need to do much; he spent the majority of his time in meetings with his parents. She did, however, spend time with her brother, and Raoul. In the days following their return from Tusaine, she did not have dreams, and she ignored how her stomach somersaulted when Raoul smiled at her. She also tried to ignore the look in his black eyes, more noticeable than ever when he looked at her.

Finally, three nights after his return from Tusaine, Jonathan refused to leave Alanna alone. He kept knocking softly, whispering her name. She tried to ignore him, but found it hard. She curled herself into a tighter and tighter ball, even tried covering her head with her pillow, but nothing drowned it out. Finally, she sighed, made herself look like she'd just woken up, and opened the door. "What?" she asked, not needing to force the annoyance in her voice.

Light caught Jonathan's surprised blue eyes, making them glitter. "That was some greeting," he said. "May I come in?"

"If you must." He stepped in and shut the door, body near hers. Part of her wanted to grab him and kiss him, the other just wanted to have a pleasant night's sleep – alone.

"What's wrong?" Jonathan asked, leaning against the door. "Are you ill?"

"No." She sat on the bed, across the room. "Just tired."

He walked toward her. "You've been this way since I came home from Tusaine. You're spending all your time with Thom and Raoul. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just missed them."

"Did you miss _me_?" She didn't answer. "Alanna?"

"I missed you," she answered quietly.

"Then why won't you look at me?" Startled, her violet eyes met his. He looked truly concerned. "What's wrong?" He sat beside her on the bed. "Talk to me, please."

She avoided looking at him again. "You'll think I'm insane."

"I've spent enough time with your brother to know it runs in your family," he teased. "We're friends, Alanna. You can tell me things."

"We're friends?"

"You didn't know?" She glanced at him, not sure how to read the expression on his face. "You thought I forced myself to spend time with you?"

"No." Alanna blushed, hoping he couldn't see it in the darkness. "I guess I _knew_. I just don't think you've ever _said_ it before."

"Well." Jonathan shifted. "Yes, we're friends. Now that we have established that – what's wrong?"

"Do you promise not to think I'm insane?"

"No, but tell me anyway."

She sighed. "I have… dreams." She frowned, trying to figure out how to explain it. "Not normal dreams. It feels almost like… I don't know." She sighed again. "It feels as if I'm _in_ them, watching my life. But it's not _this_ life. It's some other life, a life I'm not living."

"What _happens_ in this life?"

"Oh." She forced a laugh. "I disguise myself as a boy for eight years to become a knight."

"Really." Jonathan sounded somewhere between surprised and amused.

"Yes. It sounds ridiculous, and it came up briefly when Thom and I were ten, but I haven't really thought of it since then. But, in these dreams, I'm _living_ it. I was your squire, and friends with Raoul and Gary and George…"

"Not to sound completely self-absorbed, but what does this all have to do with ignoring _me_?"

Alanna was quiet for a long moment before taking a deep breath and answering, "In my dream, you asked me to marry you."

Jonathan echoed her silence. "And?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I don't think I gave you an answer." _Because I didn't like the tone, or the manner in which you asked. You sounded so arrogant. Is that really what you're like?_

"Oh." They sat in an uncomfortable silence.

"I guess it's silly," she blurted out. "A dream's just a dream, right? I'm probably all upset over nothing." He didn't say anything. "Jon?"

"Would it be silly if I asked you to marry me?"

She sprang up. "Yes, it would! You can't marry me, Jon. Thayet's here. You're supposed to marry her."

"I'm not _supposed_ to do anything," he told her, rising and taking her by the shoulders. "What would be so wrong with marrying me, Alanna?"

"I'm only sixteen, for one."

"Seventeen in a few weeks. They marry that young in the City."

"This is the palace. I'm not ready to marry you yet. And you need someone who'll make a good queen. Thayet will – I won't. You can't marry me."

"Why not?"

"I'm not a princess!"

"Neither was my mother."

"Her family is respected –"

"Yours is in _The Book of Gold_."

"Stop it." She stepped away, shaking her head. "Don't _talk_ like this. I don't want to think about marriage." She fingered the charm against pregnancy at her neck. Marriage meant children. Especially if she married Jonathan. "I'm too young. _We're_ too young. You're just back from war. You don't mean this."

"I _do_," he insisted. "Just say the word, Alanna. I'll tell my parents I want to marry you, not Thayet."

She looked up into his blue eyes. "No, Jonathan. I don't want to marry you. Not now."

"Ever?"

"Not now," she repeated slowly. She put a hand on his shoulder. "I love you, Jonathan. You know that. But I barely know you. We're still too young. It doesn't make sense." She kissed him gently. "Now. Either go to your bed, or climb into mine. I'm tired, and I want to sleep."

He kissed her. "I'll go. I want you to think."

"About _what_?"

He shut the door behind him.

* * *

_My apologies for the lack of updates. I'm trying to remember what I was doing last week that explains my absence. I had projects, and studying for finals, I suppose. Then I spent the weekend away. If you read my __**blog**__ (see my profile page for the link), you can keep up with these things. I even offer mini-soundtracks, and extra insight to each chapter. I hope this one made up for my lack of updates in the last week or so! I'll try to more written in the next few days, since I don't know how much time I'll have next week. I'm graduating, after all! (: Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. _


	16. Fifteen

**FIFTEEN**

Alanna had no intention of seeing Jonathan the next day. She left the palace early to ride into the City, determined to spend the day with George. Unfortunately, she left a bit _too_ early, and the innkeeper told her the Rogue was still asleep. Instead of waiting, she marched up and pounded on his door. She didn't hear anything before the door opened, revealing George, wrapped in a robe. "Alanna?" He rubbed his hazel eyes, feigning sleepiness. She could see he stood ready to spring into action. She supposed he had to be prepared for anything, given his chosen career path. "What are you doin' here?"

"Escaping." She slid past him and into his room. George shut the door and stayed across the room. "I don't want to be at the palace. I thought I would spend the day with you."

"Aren't they celebratin' the end of the war?"

She eyed him. "You tell me."

He grinned. "Now, lass. You know I can't do that." He winked, and she smiled back. "You don't want to spend time with Thom?"

"I would _love_ to spend time with Thom," she answered simply, dropping herself onto his unmade bed. "But Thom means spending time with…" She picked at her cuticles. "Other people."

"Ah." He knew better than to ask questions. Instead, he moved into the dressing room to dress for the day. Friendly as he and Alanna were, it was hardly appropriate for him to wear naught but a robe. "Well, I'm honored that you thought of me."

"You're far from the palace. Where else would I go?"

"You could go home."

"Not an option." George poked his head out, a question in his eyes. "Thom never told you? We don't get along with the Lord and Lady."

"I see." George came out, pulling a shirt on. Alanna caught a glimpse of his torso before the hem fell, and liked what she saw. "What did you think you would do here?"

"I don't know." She stretched out her back, still sore from having slept poorly. "I thought I'd observe, consider taking up a dishonest lifestyle. It seems easier than the one I've been given."

George laughed. "You could never go crooked." He tweaked her nose. "No noble can."

"There are bad nobles," she insisted. "I've read about them. They cheat, they steal, they form alliances with enemies…"

"That's not crooked," the thief scoffed, dismissing her statement with a shake of his head.

"Oh really?" Alanna asked, folding her arms over her chest. "Then, tell me, Master Thief. What is?"

Half his mouth turned up in a crooked smile. "Now that, I can't be tellin' you."

"Show me," she challenged, fixing her purple eyes on him in a look that made nearly everyone relent.

"Those eyes won't work on _me_, lass." He matched her look. "I'll not be responsible for ruinin' your marriage prospects."

"You too?" she cried, flopping back onto his bed. "Why won't anyone leave me _alone_ about marriage? I'm too cursed _young_ for that!"

"They marry at fourteen here in the City."

"I know." She propped herself up on her elbows, glaring at him. "Believe me, I know."

He raised an eyebrow. "Somethin' you'd like to be tellin' me, lass?"

"No," she snapped, sitting up the rest of the way. "And if you're going to look at me like that, or pester me about it, I'll find some other way to keep myself entertained for the day."

"I didn't ask you to come," he said with a shrug. "You came on your own."

"You don't want me here?"

"I didn't say that."

"Stop talking in circles, George. It's too early for that."

"I know." He winked at her. "I was still asleep, remember?"

She made a face at him. "Isn't one brother enough?" she wanted to know, eyes dancing. "You're as bad as Thom."

"With the trouble you get into lass, you need all the brothers you can get."

* * *

"Where have you been all day?" Raoul asked as Alanna slid into her seat at dinner.

"With George," she answered, smoothing her skirts. "I needed to get away."

"Any particular reason?"

"No." Thom sat down across from her, smiling openly. "You look happy. What have you done?"

"I'm not allowed to be happy?" Thom placed a hand on his heart. "I'm hurt."

"You never look _that_ happy," Raoul told him. "You're either up to something, or… no. You're up to something. You're nearly done, squire. Now's not the time to get devious."

"I'm not up to anything," Thom insisted, still smiling. "I've just had a good day, that's all."

"That's lovely," Alanna said. "But, from the look on your face, I'm not sure I want to hear about it. Raoul. How has your day been?"

Thom narrowed his eyes at his sister. "Someone's grumpy today. What's wrong, Alanna, get another letter from Mother?"

"No," she snapped. "I just didn't sleep that well, and your smile is making my face hurt. And you're being rude. I asked Raoul a question." She turned to look at him, smiling sweetly. "I apologize for my brother's poor manners, Sir Raoul."

"Don't." He looked between the two of them, eyes dancing with amusement. "This exchange is the most interesting thing to happen to me all day."

* * *

Alanna went to bed early that night, hoping to get some sleep in before Jonathan came knocking on her door looking to talk. She didn't want to talk, especially not about what he proposed the night before. She didn't really want to see him, which was what drove her to leave the palace for the day. At the moment, she felt very confused.

_Tonight brought her back to the desert. Only, this time, she stood, observing herself in a conversation with Sir Myles of Olau, someone she kept meaning to talk to, but never seemed to get the chance. "Of course, if you married Jon, I would have to dress up from time to time." She was past wondering why any of this happened – it was just exhausting._

_A cat seated beside her yelped. Alanna looked and swallowed hard – the black cat had violet eyes. "How did you know?"_

_"I'm not blind. All the way down here he was brooding. When he wasn't, he talked about why a prince marries."_

_"Oh." Dream-Alanna fingered her ember stone. Real Alanna watched, chewing her lip nervously. Was this what came after his proposal? "I told him I'd think about it."_

_"Why?"_

_"I'm not sure he wants to marry me for the right reasons. He seems angry that people expect him to behave a certain way because he's the prince. He calls it 'a trap' he was 'born into.'" She draped the cat around her shoulders, making the real Alanna shift. That cat was just plain unnatural. "I don't blame him for wanting to rebel – that's one of the reasons _I _left the Court. But I don't like the idea of his proving he's rebelling by marriage with me. That makes me into a thing that's evidence he can do what he wants, instead of leaving me a person."_

_"He _does_ love you."_

_Dream-Alanna sighed. "I know he does. But I wonder if he'd have proposed if he weren't – itchy. You know something else, Myles? I never liked people watching me and talking about me all the time, even when they were saying nice things. And I still haven't learned to live with killing Roger." The cat thrust his nose in her ear, and the real Alanna wondered once again why she had killed Roger. "I like it here. The Bazhir accept me. I'm myself with them. Well, as much myself as _anyone _can be when they're a shaman and a warrior, and when they don't want to hurt people's feelings."_

_"Do you love Jon?"_

_Alanna caught her breath, waiting as her dream self scratched her cat's ears. Her eyes were sad. "Love's wonderful, but it is not enough to keep us together for years of marriage. I'm not sure if I'm ready; I'm not sure if Jon's ready. I_ have_ to be sure, if I want to marry King Roald's heir. Yes, I love him. That's the whole problem."_

_Myles rose, placing his hand on her shoulder. Alanna felt tears pool in her eyes. "The only advice I can give you, then, is to decide carefully. If you are so uncertain, you would make a bad decision if you married now. No can always be changed to yes, but it's very hard to change yes to a no."_

As a knock on her door pulled her from the dream, Alanna fought to hold on. She wanted to know more. What happened? From an earlier dream, she could guess she didn't marry Jon, but she had to know what happened in between! But another part of her didn't want to know. Much as she feared marrying Jon, she did love him. She didn't think it would fade, the way her dream, knight self seemed to think it would. While her stomach didn't turn over when Jonathan looked at her anymore, she still felt something for him. She still loved to be around him. She still wanted him to hold her.

Suddenly she sat up, wanting to see Jonathan in the worst way. She jumped out of bed and flung open the door. There, of course, stood Jonathan. Alanna flung herself at him, holding on tight. Jonathan laughed quietly. "Miss me?" he asked, walking her into the room. He shut the door behind himself. She held the sides of his face and kissed him deeply, enjoying the feeling of his body against hers. Her heart raced.

Jonathan pushed her away, frowning. "What?" she asked, suddenly worried.

He put a hand to her face and ran his thumb under her eye. "You're crying," he said, brushing her hair back from her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She wiped away a stray tear. "I missed you, that's all."

He smiled. "I missed you too." He kissed her slowly, drawing out the fire that lay dormant for days. "I thought you were mad at me."

"You would know if I were," she breathed as his lips moved to her neck. "I'm not very good at hiding it." She choked on the end of her sentence. He was undoing the tie at the back of her neck. "Jon-"

"Shh." He kissed the soft space behind her ear. "I don't want to talk right now. We did too much talking yesterday." She squeaked as he scooped her up and dropped her on the bed, all thoughts of marriage gone from her mind.

* * *

"Alanna!" Thayet called, knocking on her door late the next morning. "Are we going for a ride today or not?" She put her hand to the knob and turned, finding it unlocked. "Alanna?"

The door opened, revealing a scene Thayet wished she hadn't seen. Alanna was not awake, nor was she alone. The second head on her pillow was all-too familiar. She shut the door hurriedly, trying to swallow back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. _Of course_, she thought. _Of course they're together._ She'd known it all along, much as she'd tried to ignore the signs.

The princess scurried down the hall, eyes cast downward, ready to tell Buri they were leaving. She would not waste her time with a prince who had his eye on someone else, especially not when that someone else was Alanna. Thayet might have been a princess, but she'd seen Jonathan look at Alanna. Now that she knew what it meant, she knew she could never compete.

* * *

_For one, that excerpt is one of my favorite scenes. There are so many good lines in it. (One of them is the title of my blog!) Second, the part with the scene? I was listening to "In These Arms" by The Swell Season while writing it. I'm not sure if that makes a difference, but you might be able to get inside my head a bit if you listen while reading it. Third, I liked parts of this chapter, and didn't like others. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!_


	17. Sixteen

**SIXTEEN**

A messenger found Jonathan in the practice courts two days later. His friends watched as the messenger whispered in the prince's ear, and the young man's face colored, expression unreadable. He murmured his thanks, and excused himself quietly. The young knights and their squires exchanged looks, shrugged, and went back to their swordplay.

Alanna of Trebond sat outside on the lush grass, enjoying the late April sunshine. She would be seventeen in less than a week, which meant she had been at the palace nine months. It was hard to wrap her mind around that – had it really been such a short span? She turned the page of her book, oblivious to the man who came up behind her until he put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped, only to look into the very blue eyes of Prince Jonathan. "Jon!" she exclaimed, twisting around to look at him, shielding her eyes from the sun. "I thought you were practicing with Thom."

"I was." He sat down, picking at the grass.

"Don't do that. You'll get in trouble," she teased. He didn't even crack a smile. Now the worry set in. "What's wrong?"

"Thayet's leaving," he whispered, shifting uncomfortably. "My parents fear I've done something wrong, so I went to talk to her."

"And?" Alanna kept her voice low, eyes quickly scanning the area.

"She saw." He looked up at her with sad blue eyes. "Two days ago. She came to fetch you for a ride, and she _saw._"

"Oh, Goddess." Alanna felt nauseated. It was one thing for Thom to know, it was another to be seen in bed with Jon, and by Thayet no less! "What did she tell your parents?"

"That she missed her home, and feared I did not return her feelings." He caught her eyes. "She plans to leave."

"What did your parents say?" Alanna asked carefully, scared of where this conversation could lead.

"That I either needed an explanation, or I had to offer to marry Thayet."

"Which did you pick?"

"I said I needed time to think." His eyes gave weight to his words – he came to find out if she would be willing to marry him.

"Oh, Jon, no."

"What?"

"You can't do this to me. I can't make this decision. Not now."

"You don't understand." He took her hand. "If I can't tell my parents I have a lady I plan on marrying, Thayet will stay. I will have to marry her, unless something goes terribly wrong. There is no time to waste. They are fed up with my delaying."

"It's been less than five months!" Alanna cried. He looked around furtively, and she lowered her voice. "I've only known you for nine. I love you, Jon, but marriage requires more than that."

"What more do we need?" He laced his fingers through hers. "I love you, Alanna. I am sure of it."

"I know." She reached up to stroke his face. "And I love you. But I barely know you. If I am to spend the rest of my life with you, I have to be sure I will love you for the long years ahead. I'm not yet seventeen, Jon. I barely know who I _am_, let alone what I _want_."

He pulled back. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we're too young!" she said. "You're going to be king, Jonathan. If I marry you, I will be queen. I can't get away from that. I can't make that kind of decision right now. You _have_ to understand that. You have been raised to be king. There are things I want to do, things I cannot do if I marry you now."

"I'm not entirely sure I understand." He kissed her hand, rising to his feet. "But I will try. I shall talk to Thayet, see if I can convince her to stay longer."

"Don't." She tugged on his hand. "Let me. She and I are friends. Perhaps I can make her understand why she can't leave yet."

* * *

Alanna knocked softly on Thayet's open door. The young woman and her bodyguard looked up. Buri gave Alanna a hard look. "May I speak to you for a moment?" Alanna asked, eyes focused on the princess. Thayet hesitated before nodding. "Alone?" Thayet glanced at Buri, who seemed inclined to disagree. Something passed between them Alanna could not see, and Buri left, glaring at the redhead. Alanna shut the door behind her. "You're leaving."

"I am." Thayet sat on her bed beside her bag. "I see no reason to remain, when Jonathan's affections clearly lie elsewhere." She looked just beyond Alanna, rather than directly at her.

"Jon told me," Alanna murmured, moving closer to her friend. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that."

"It's fine." Thayet glanced at her momentarily, and Alanna saw tears pooled in her pretty hazel eyes. "I just wish you had told me before. I would have left months ago."

"Don't leave." Alanna sat beside Thayet, taking her hands. "I don't want you to go, and neither does Jonathan."

Thayet forced a laugh. "Why? I'm here to marry him, Alanna, not on a trip for pleasure. He isn't interested in me. He loves you."

"No he doesn't." Thayet looked at her questioningly. "He thinks he does. Actually." Alanna frowned. "He does love me. But not properly. Not in a way that will last." She smiled a small smile. "We're infatuated with each other. We're young. It will pass." She shrugged. "I can't marry him. You can. You _should_."

"He doesn't love me."

"Yes he does. He would have made an excuse to send you home months ago if he didn't. He's confused. He thinks it's easier to love me – he knows Thom, and Thom told him about me. You're different. You're mysterious. He doesn't like that. You're complicated."

Thayet twisted her face into something that could be considered a smile. "I'm not sure that's a compliment."

"It is." Alanna smiled at her, forcing her heart back into her chest. "You'd be good for him, Thayet. Trust me."

Thayet was quiet, and Alanna grew more nervous. She loved Jon, she did. But she did not want any part of being queen. That was not something she signed on for. "All right."

"Does that mean you'll stay?"

Thayet smiled, albeit somewhat sadly. "Yes. I'll stay."

* * *

Alanna found Jonathan in the practice courts. He excused himself to meet her in a quiet hallway. "I talked to her," Alanna whispered, glancing around the space. "She'll stay."

"She will?" Jonathan's eyes brightened, causing her heart to twist. She knew Jonathan had feelings for the princess. How could he not? She was perfect.

"Yes." Alanna bit her lip. "But I think you should stop coming at night."

"_What_?" Alanna's eyes widened and she checked again. The coast clear, he lowered his voice and asked the question again.

"I'm not going to change my mind," she told him seriously. "I can't marry you. I don't want to be the reason you let Thayet go. So, either you go and tell your parents that you want to marry a lady who doesn't want to be queen, or you let yourself love her, and forget about me."

"I can't forget about you." He took her hands. "I could never forget about you."

She tried to smile. "Don't _forget_, but… forget." He looked confused. She could hardly blame him – she wasn't entirely sure what she was trying to say. "Let's go back to being friends."

"Were we ever friends?"

"I guess not." This time, she forced herself to smile _convincingly_. "But why not try?"

He stroked her cheek. "I do love you," he told her. "If you change your mind –"

"Stop." She put a finger to his lips and he kissed it. "If we're going to be friends, you can't talk like that anymore." She kissed him gently. "Goodbye, Jonathan. I love you." Releasing his hand slowly, she moved down the hall. After she was sure he'd returned to the practice courts, she began to run back to her room, hoping the tears would hold off until she arrived.

* * *

That night, she dreamed. Of course she did. _Tonight, she was back inside her dream self's tent in the desert. Her dream self stood across from Jonathan, clearly in the middle of an argument. Jonathan's cheeks were flushed with anger, and Alanna saw the tension in her dream self's body. "This is ridiculous!" Jonathan cried. "All right, I should've remembered you don't like people making plans without your say-so, but I thought everything was settled –" _

_"Is isn't! How _dare_ you take my acceptance for granted?"_

_"Well, _you_ certainly didn't give me a reason to believe you'd refuse, did you? Think carefully before you annoy me further, Alanna of Trebond! There are women who would do anything to marry me –" Alanna looked at this Jonathan, mystified. Who _was_ this man? She hardly recognized the man she loved in this arrogant man._

_"Then why don't you ask one of them? You know what your problem is, Jonathan? You've been spoiled by all those fine Court ladies. It never entered your mind that I might say no!"_

_"And who would you take instead of me, O Woman Who Rides Like a Man?" Alanna smiled at the nickname. She liked it. "I suppose George Cooper's more to your taste –"_

_"George!" Dream-Alanna gasped. Alanna recoiled. Jonathan and George were friends. How could he talk about his friend like that?_

_"Do you think I'm blind? I've seen the way he looks at you!"_

_"What about all those women at the palace and the way they look at _you_? And I _know_ you've had affairs with some of them! They've made you into a conceited –"_

_"At least they're _women_, Lady Alanna! And they know how to _act_ like women!" Alanna felt a strong urge to slap him._

_"I _refuse_ to marry you," her dream self hissed._

_"And I think I'm well out of potential danger!"_

_"Obviously! Find yourself someone more feminine, Jonathan of Conté!"_

As the dream faded, her dream self stormed from the tent. Alanna stirred, mystified. Was that who Jonathan was destined to become? She feared for her friendship with him if so, and for Thayet. _I could not love that man,_ she thought, toying with the charm around her neck. _As much as I love him, I could not love _that.

Someone was knocking at her door. "I break off my affair only to have people continually knock on my door late at night," she muttered, shuffling across to the door. Hand ready to open, she asked, "Who is it?"

"Raoul." Puzzled, she opened the door, revealing the big man. He gave her a crooked smile. "Can I come in? I'll only be a moment."

"Sure." She pulled her dressing gown tighter around her, shutting the door behind him. "What are you still doing up? It's late."

"I've been wandering around, thinking," Raoul admitted, standing by her window, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his breeches. "I've been doing far too much of it lately for my liking."

"Brute," she teased, trying to lighten the mood.

He chuckled. "It's true, partially." Raoul cleared his throat, scuffing his boot against the ground. "Anyway. I told you I'd only be a moment, and you were clearly sleeping –"

"You're rambling," she said gently. "Do you want to talk in the morning, when you've had more time to think?"

"No!" he exclaimed. "I don't want to think anymore." He crossed the room in a few strides. _Gods, he's big,_ Alanna thought, now looking up into his friendly black eyes. "I've spent most of the day trying to find a way to tell you that I love you."

She blinked at him, shocked. "I think I knew that all ready."

"You assumed." He took her hands. "But I wanted to say it. _I love you_. I don't say this lightly. I dislike the company of most women. I find them insufferable. But you…" He smiled. "You're different. I can talk to you. You like taking action, you're interested in the things I do. You want to learn. You're smart and you make me laugh and you're beautiful." He brushed copper hair behind her ear, turning her stomach over. "While I was away, I realized how much I love you. How I want to ride back from battle, from border patrol, from duty, and find you waiting there, interested in what I have to say, ready to share your own experiences. I want to go off on rides with you, racing each other until we get lost and have to stay at an inn. _You_, Lady Alanna, are the kind of woman I did not believe existed." She stared at him. "What?"

"I'm – " She stopped and frowned, trying to find the proper words. "I don't know what to _say_."

"Don't say anything." Raoul kissed her gently on the mouth. "Think on it. Take as long as you need. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her again, with a bit more force, and moved toward the door.

"Okay." The room spun. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sleep well, Alanna." The door shut quietly, leaving Alanna wondering what, exactly, was going on.

* * *

_I had soundtracks for parts of this chapter, but I've forgotten them now. There was a two-hour break in the middle when I went and did something else. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I did. (: (For the record, from now on, I'll put deeper insight into each chapter on my blog. I usually put a few notes there anyway, but I'll work on making it more detailed.) Thanks for reading._


	18. Seventeen

**SEVENTEEN**

After celebrating her birthday with her friends and brother, Alanna decided she had best leave the palace for a time. Seeing Jonathan made her heartache, and Raoul just flustered her. Thom tried to convince her to stay, but gave up when he saw the look in her eyes whenever she looked at Jonathan and Thayet, or her constant fidgeting whenever Raoul came near. "I don't know what's going on," he whispered, embracing her before she rode back to Trebond, "but don't stay away too long."

"I'll be back before Midwinter," she promised. "If not before." She hugged him tightly. "Behave yourself, all right? You've only a year left."

With Coram to accompany her, her journey back home to Trebond was uneventful. Marinie was happy to see her again, and even Alan grunted a greeting before returning to his papers. Her mother pressured her for any and all gossip, but Alanna fought her off for the better part of a week. How she would spent the next few months here, she did not know.

At the palace, Cythera and Gary made plans for their wedding, Alex took Delia back to Tirragen to meet his extended family, Thom and Buri became fast friends, Thayet and Jonathan became friends, and Raoul surveyed them all with a twinkle in his black eyes. He had a request in for patrol on the northern border, hoping to stop in at Trebond. He frequently journeyed to the City to visit with George, who was happy for the company. They shared letters Alanna sent to them, and discussed the lady, probably more than she would have liked. Some time in August, Buri began accompanying him. "I hate Court," she told him once in the hallway, having cornered him. "I know you sneak off other places. Take me with you." Big as he was, Buri scared him, so he obliged. George took a liking to the small, fierce woman.

With Jonathan wrapped up in his princess, Thom was left on his own. His magic lessons with Duke Roger increased, and his time on the practice courts decreased. He and his sister wrote each other every week, her complaining about their parents, he avoiding the topic of Jonathan and Thayet entirely. It was plain to anyone watching them that the prince and princess had become friends. They could often be found on long rides or walks together, simply enjoying each other's company. Roald and Lianne seemed pleased, and Jonathan seemed relaxed. He asked Thom about Alanna sometimes, late at night, but Thom always gave him a look when he did. "Leave her alone, Jon," Thom told his knight master.

"I'm not _doing_ anything," he insisted. "I'm simply asking how she is, that's all! She hasn't been writing to me, and no one talks to me about her."

"Because you shouldn't be concerned," Thom said. "She's fine. Complaining about our parents, but fine. You need to focus less on my sister and more on Thayet. Give yourself a chance to be happy with her, will you?"

In mid-September, Alanna received a letter from Raoul.

_Dear Alanna,_ the letter began.

_Their Majesties have decided to give me a northern border patrol. I shall be there from the end of September until just before Midwinter, and then will return until April at the very least. The fortress is not far from Trebond. I was hoping to see you on my way – Gary and Alex will be with me, having received the same assignment. We all miss you. If you write back, someone will be sure it gets to me. I hope all is well, and you haven't hurt anyone yet._

_Looking forward to seeing you._

Alanna squinted to see the word before his signature, but could not make out what it said. He seemed to have trouble deciding what to write, so just crossed it out. She smiled and turned the page over, running her finger along the blackened area. She closed her eyes, feeling for familiar letters. She couldn't make it out.

"Are you going to see Alanna?" Thom asked Raoul the day before he and the other knights were to leave.

Raoul nodded. "Your mother seems particularly excited by the prospect."

Thom laughed. "She loves entertaining, and rarely gets to. Bring something nice to wear, or she'll sniff at you and look unhappy all evening."

"Alanna warned me. I've packed a few of my very finest outfits to wear."

"Give her a hug for me, and give my regards to my parents." Thom rolled his eyes at the second part. From Alanna's letters, Raoul could see why neither of the twins got along particularly well with the lord and lady of Trebond.

He, Gary, and Alex arrived at Trebond a few days later. Alanna welcomed them at the crossroads, accompanied by Coram, who nodded to the young knights and their squires. "Welcome to Trebond," Alanna greeted, wincing as she shifted. Her mother insisted she ride sidesaddle, and she hated it. She glanced at Coram. "What else was I supposed to say? And can we just _pretend_ I did?" Coram smiled, knowing better than to argue with her. She flung herself onto the ground, stumbling slightly, and ran to embrace her friends. "Gods, I missed you!" The three knights surrounded her in a bear hug, glad to see her as well. Gary and Alex spent most of their time with their ladies, but that did not mean they enjoyed Alanna's company less. (Besides, she was a reminder of those same ladies back at home, who they missed dearly.)

"When are you coming back to Corus?" Gary wanted to know. "We're all miserable without you. Even Thom. He's more sarcastic than normal without you around."

Alanna laughed. "I'll ride back with you for Midwinter, and then we'll see." She turned her attention to Alex. "Have you proposed to Delia yet?"

"Not yet." He smiled secretively. "Soon."

"Good. Now, Gary. When are you actually going to _marry_ Cythera?"

"Not for another year," he answered. "We wanted a long betrothal."

Alanna nodded. She smiled at Raoul. "And I know everything about you. He writes," she explained to the other two. "Almost as often as Thom, actually. And always with interesting stories. It almost makes me miss Court."

"You don't like Court?" Gary asked, surprised.

"Not particularly. I'm expected to _behave_ there." Everyone laughed, and Coram cleared his throat. Alanna rolled her eyes and straightened up. "My parents, Lord Alan and Lady Marinie of Trebond hope you will join us for dinner this evening, and stay the night before you finish your journey." She smiled at the squires, still on their horses. "You are invited as well." She mounted her mare and turned back toward her home.

* * *

After dinner, Alanna and Raoul went for a walk around the grounds. The last rays of sun still illuminated their way, but Alanna could take them back once it grew dark. They walked side by side, but not close enough as to raise her mother's eyebrow, and thus her suspicion. Since arriving in Trebond, she did not dream of her other life, but of life with Jonathan. For the first few weeks, she struggled every day not to jump on her horse and gallop back to Corus to him. Eventually, she settled into a routine. Now, Jonathan was a sharp pang once in awhile, rather than a dull, persistent ache. As Raoul's letters increased, her longing for the blue-eyed prince decreased.

They walked in silence until Alanna knew they were no longer in sight of the fortress. Then she reached over and took Raoul's hand. He stopped short, glancing over his shoulder, then looked at her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

She laced his fingers through his. "Don't think so much," she told him, tugging him forward. "I know how much you hate that." He smiled.

* * *

"Are you ready to return to Corus?" Raoul asked several weeks later. Alanna and Coram arrived at the fort to visit the knights, something they had done with regularity. Marinie hinted she knew that it was to see Raoul, not just to keep them company on the cold frontier, but kept her mouth shut. She was learning.

"I don't know," Alanna admitted, rubbing her arms absently, looking out the window rather than at him. They sat Raoul's quarters, with the door open, across the room from each other. "I think I am, but I can't swear to it."

"Are you worried about seeing Jon?"

She hesitated before nodding. "I haven't seen him since breaking things off. It's one thing to be all right with it from afar, but another to see him." She glanced at Raoul and smiled. "I don't still want him, if that's what you're wondering." She sighed. "No, time and space has put that into perspective."

"I understand." Raoul longed to go and wrap his arms around her, but they were trying very hard to make this visit look chaste. "I'm not angry, if you're concerned. I know it wasn't easy for you, so I don't pass judgment." He leaned back in his chair. "I don't know how he'll react, though."

"What, to this?" She frowned, looking into her lap. "I can't imagine he'd be _upset_. What was I supposed to do, become a priestess?"

Raoul laughed. "He may feel as you do. But we should be prepared." Alanna nodded, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence. "You know it's been a year since Thayet arrived?"

She nodded. "In October. This year has gone by so quickly." Raoul made a noise in agreement. The silence returned. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

Alanna looked at him, smiling. "When we were ten, Thom and I briefly considered switching places."

"What?"

She laughed and nodded. "I know. It sounds ridiculous. I think I still have the research we gave my father somewhere in my room at Trebond. I wanted so badly to be a lady knight. I was nearly willing to become a boy to do it."

"That would be been interesting." He seemed to consider it, and then smiled. "_Very_ interesting."

"Imagine if I had," she told him. "We probably wouldn't be sitting here now." _Actually, if my dreams are to be believed, I would be Jon's squire, and we'd be having an affair._

"What did Thom want to do?"

"He wanted to go to the City of the Gods," Alanna answered. "He wanted to become a great mage. That's why he's so engaged in his lessons with Duke Roger."

"Makes sense." Raoul nodded. He shook his head, chuckling. "I can't imagine you as a boy. Or as a lady knight – no offense meant. You're good with a bow and arrow, though. And you could be good with a sword, I suppose."

"I still want to learn," she told him. "A lady should know how to defend herself."

"That's up her knight husband!" Raoul straightened, thudding his chest with his hand. "I go out and fight to defend you, my lady." He grinned to show her he was kidding.

Alanna laughed. "My hero," she cooed teasingly. Raoul winked and leaned back in his chair once again. Alanna smiled, looking back out the window. _I could get used to this,_ she thought happily, watching the sun set.

* * *

_Sorry if this was boring! It was one of those chapters I really hate writing. Thanks for reading!_


	19. Eighteen

**EIGHTEEN**

Alanna miraculously avoided Jonathan until the first Midwinter ball. As the courtiers waited for the royal family to arrive, Alanna shifted nervously, playing with her violet skirt. "You're going to wrinkle it," Cythera hissed, knocking her hand. Raoul took her hand and squeezed.

"Stop fretting," he whispered, eyes never leaving the grand staircase. "Deep breaths."

"Easy for you to say," she muttered, balling her other hand to dig her nails into her palm. Raoul barely suppressed a laugh, and she vowed to get him back later.

"Her Highness, Princess Thayet _jian_ Wilima! His Highness, Prince Jonathan of Conté!" The doors opened, revealing Jonathan and Thayet. Alanna's breath caught in her throat. In her absence, she had forgotten how attractive they both were. She forced herself to appreciate Thayet first, shimmering in silvery blue, hair braided and pinned to highlight her elegant neck and beautiful face. A serene smile touched her crimson mouth, but Alanna saw the characteristic amusement in her hazel eyes. Alanna smiled – she had missed Thayet.

As the couple descended, she allowed herself to look at Jonathan. Dressed in shades of blue, his eyes were impossible to ignore. Alanna avoided them, knowing well that her red hair made her stick out in the crowd. She curtsied and bowed her head when they passed, glancing up momentarily to see if they had noticed her.

They didn't appear to.

The king and queen came next, but Alanna barely paid them any attention. She was focused on the prince and princess, looking for some sign of their happiness, of their love. _If I know he's happy,_ she thought, _then I can move on._ He looked happy, but she knew he would never show anything else to his people. Not at Midwinter celebrations.

Finally, the music began and people began to mingle. Alanna stuck close to Raoul, half-hiding. Jonathan and Thayet circulated, greeting the nobles. "Will you relax?" Thom said, appearing beside her. She nearly jumped. "They'll come here last. We're hardly the most important people in the room."

"I am relaxed," Alanna hissed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you are." Thom smirked at her. She nearly slapped him. "Don't make a scene. He won't appreciate that."

"You act like I've never been in public before." She glared at him, but he just kept looking amused. Thom shrugged, gliding away. Alanna looked up at Raoul. "When did he become so insufferable?" Raoul laughed.

* * *

Jonathan and Thayet did not come to see Alanna's group until it was nearly time to break for the meal. Alanna stood half-hidden behind Raoul and Gary, still holding Raoul's hand. He seemed terribly amused by this, and so she had to suppress the urge to kick him. "Hello, strangers," Thayet said with a smile. "Welcome back to Corus."

"You haven't seen them since they returned?" Jonathan asked, sounding surprised. Thayet shook her head. "Hm." Alanna shrunk further behind her larger friends.

"Did you see Alanna while you were away?" Thayet wanted to know. "I've missed her company."

"We stopped through Trebond on our way north and home again," Alex replied. "She came to visit us several times, too."

"How is she?" Jonathan asked, blandly curious.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Thom chimed in. Alanna was too far to injure him. "She's standing behind Raoul and Gary."

"Is she?" Jonathan shifted his attention to the space between his friends. "Alanna, are you really hiding back there?"

"I'm not hiding," she grumbled, stepping into the space opened for her. "These two are just monsters. I'm too small." Everyone laughed at this. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Don't I get a welcome back, or do only knights get welcomed with open arms?"

"I'm glad to see you," Thayet said, eyes bright. "You have been away too long."

"It was quiet," Alanna explained with a shrug. "At least until these three arrived."

"I'm sure." Jonathan smiled at her, eyes guarded. "Welcome back to the palace, Alanna."

"Thank you." She met his eyes with her own, equally guarded. He broke their gaze first, eyes traveling down her arm. Her heart thudded. _Why didn't I let go?_

"What's this?" he asked casually, dancing eyes flicking to Raoul's face. "Is there something you forgot to mention?"

"I didn't think it required mentioning," the knight replied, shrugging his broad shoulders.

"Hm." Jonathan frowned slightly, and Thayet tugged him away.

"We'll leave you now, but we hope to see you around." She focused on Alanna. "You especially."

Alanna smiled. "Count on it."

* * *

"It didn't require mentioning?" Jonathan hissed to Thom, dragging his squire aside before everyone filed in for dinner. "Did you know?"

"First of all, ouch." Thom removed Jonathan's hand from his arm. "And, second of all, yes. Or, well. I suspected. No one told me in so many words."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Thom eyed his knight master. "You are supposed to be with _Thayet_, not thinking about my sister." Jonathan looked over his shoulder. No one seemed to be paying them any attention. "Are you mad because no one told you, or because you thought Alanna would sit around pining for you?"

"I'm not mad," Jonathan snapped.

"Right," Thom snorted. "If you aren't mad, can I go? I'm rather hungry." He patted his stomach.

"Fine." Jonathan narrowed his eyes. "We aren't finished talking about this."

"Really? And here I thought you weren't mad." He scurried off before Jonathan could grab him again, wicked smile playing on his lips.

* * *

She almost made it the whole night without seeing Jonathan alone. She didn't count on him knocking on her door before bed. Alanna opened the door to find him there, blue eyes fiery. "I thought we were past this," she remarked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Can I come in?" He forced a polite tone, but she could tell he wasn't happy.

"Are you going to yell at me?" He didn't answer. She sighed, allowing him in. Before he could start, she flicked violet fire into the corners to ward them. "I don't trust you not to start yelling, so I'm going to take the necessary precautions, all right?"

"Fine," he snapped.

She sighed. "You may begin."

"How long were you and Raoul involved behind my back?" Jonathan demanded. "Is he why you broke it off with me before you left, so the road was clear? Is that why he asked to be sent north?"

"You're being ridiculous. Raoul has been a good friend to me for as long as you have. We aren't 'involved' at all. I'm not having an _affair_ with him, so save your anger at that!"

"How long?"

"Not long," she snapped. "Not that it's any of your business."

"And why not?"

"Because I'm not your _property_, Jonathan. Sharing my bed doesn't somehow mean I _belong_ to you. Did you think I would sit around pining for you? Get over yourself."

"You act as if you never loved me."

She recoiled. "Don't say that. Don't you _dare_ say that." She stepped closer, lowering her voice. "Do you have any idea how long it took me to get past the feeling of wanting to gallop back here to tell you I took it back? I didn't _want_ to come for Midwinter when I first arrived home. You should be _thanking_ Raoul for helping me get over you!"

"What if I still love you?"

"Deal with it."

They stood there, glaring at each other. Before either knew what was happening, the gap between them closed and their lips met in a passionate kiss. Alanna dragged her hands down his back, his fingers entangled themselves in her hair. This felt familiar, but not safe, not the way Raoul's arms did. This felt dangerous, but alluring. Jonathan snaked an arm around her, pulling her tightly against him. Her head began to spin with the intensity of it all. Jonathan broke their kiss, moving his lips to her neck. "I love you," he murmured. "I never stopped. I missed you, Alanna. So much." Alanna swooned against him, ready to give in.

Then Raoul's smiling face appeared in her mind. "No!" She shoved Jonathan away, backing up. "No. We can't do this." She shook her head, avoiding looking at him. "You have to go. Now."

"I don't –" He saw how she twirled her hair, looking anywhere but at him. He softened. "It's Raoul, isn't it?" She nodded, chewing on her lip. "Do you love him?"

She shrugged. "I think so." Her violet eyes met his blue ones. "Do you love Thayet?"

"She isn't you."

"Do you love her?"

Jonathan paused before nodding. "Yes, I do."

Alanna tried to smile. "That's it, then." She walked over to her bed, turning her back to him. "Goodbye, Jonathan."

"Goodbye, Alanna." He left quietly. Once she heard his footsteps fade, she collapsed onto her bed and shed her final tears over the prince.

* * *

_I feel like it got better as the chapter progressed. Let me know what you think. I appreciate getting feedback from you! Thanks for reading._


	20. Nineteen

**NINETEEN**

The year changed and winter melted into spring. As the weeks and months passed, Alanna and Jonathan began to form a true friendship. Thayet and Alanna's friendship deepened, as did Alanna and Raoul's relationship. The four of them became quite the unit, both as a large group and broken down into pairs. For the first month or so, Raoul and Thayet feared leaving Alanna and Jonathan alone together, but the two made it quite clear they no longer felt that way about each other. After a time, it was impossible to tell they had once been romantically involved. In fact, in some ways, they were closer than Alanna and her brother, often teaming up against Thom to tease him. This development Thom could have done without.

But even Thom seemed happier. He took the teasing in stride, rolling his eyes or making sarcastic comments right back. His friends gossiped that he must have a lady he was hiding from them, but no one could figure out who it was. Buri, who seemed the most likely for a while, vehemently denied it. (They soon learned where she disappeared to so often, now that she was confident in the palace's ability to keep her princess from harm.)

Before they knew it, the twins were turning eighteen. Thom's Ordeal became imminent, not some distant thing that he would come to "eventually." Eventually became soon, and there was no escaping it. The morning of his birthday, Jonathan came into his room, looking serious. "Good morning, Thom."

"Morning, Jon." The two young men stood in silence for a moment. "Was there something you needed?"

"Happy birthday."

"Thank you." Another silence. Jon awkwardly went over and placed a hand on his squire's shoulder. "Uh, Jon? What are you doing?"

"Don't worry." Jon's serious blue eyes met Thom's questioning violet ones. "About becoming a knight. You're ready now, and you'll be even more ready when your Ordeal comes up at Midwinter." Thom nodded. "Do you have anything planned for today?" Jonathan dropped his hand.

"I'm not sure," Thom admitted. "I figured I'd let Alanna tell me what our plans were before I made any of my own."

Jonathan grinned. "You don't have to let her boss you around, you know."

Thom shrugged. "It's easier to agree with her than to argue. She has too many embarrassing stories to bring up. I'd rather spare myself the misery and just go along. I'm sure you know the feeling."

"Oh, I do." With a laugh, the men exited the room, off to breakfast with the girl in question.

* * *

That summer was brutally hot and humid. "It's like being back in Carthak," Duke Roger joked. And it was. The heat and humidity bred illness, which Queen Lianne seemed particularly susceptible to. Jonathan looked concerned nearly all the time, no matter how often Thayet tried to coax the wrinkle from his brow. He confided to Alanna that he feared the string of illnesses would kill the queen, whose immune system had never been strong. She tried to convince him – without success – that the queen's death did not necessarily mean his father's death too. (Unfortunately, hours after Jonathan told her this concern, Alanna's dreams returned, including a conversation about how the king killed himself after the queen's passing. She conveniently kept this to herself.)

July, however, brought happy news to the palace: Alex proposed to Delia, who readily accepted. Gary and Cythera seemed pleased not to be the only couple planning a wedding, and the women quickly turned their attention to Alanna, who blushed every time the topic of marriage came up. She wasn't sure she was ready to get married quite yet, much as she loved Raoul. As the months passed, she became more and more sure of her feelings for him, but tried to avoid saying as much. She was waiting for the perfect moment.

In August, Jonathan turned twenty-one. His parents commenced pressuring him to propose to Thayet, but he balked. "I love her," he told Alanna on one of their rides together. "But… marriage? I still don't feel old enough to consider it."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

He gave her a withering look. "Don't start," he warned her. "If you keep bringing up that period, I'm going to think you wish to revisit it."

She shut up.

* * *

Fall brought devastating news. Civil war had broken out in Sarain – a rebellion against Thayet's father. "What does this mean?" Alanna asked one evening at dinner. "If Thayet's father is no longer ruler, doesn't that make her no longer a princess?"

Raoul winced, then nodded. "Technically speaking." He paused a moment. "Perhaps Jonathan should start thinking about proposing after all. Once they're betrothed, no one would dare break them apart."

"They're in love," Alanna reminded him. "Anyone can see it. Who would _want_ to break them apart?"

"You'd be surprised," Gary chimed in. "When it comes to matters of state, love has nothing to do with it."

* * *

Two nights before Thom's Ordeal at Midwinter, he, Alanna, Raoul, Jonathan, Gary, and Thayet went to visit George, who wanted to wish Thom luck. He also said he had news, which concerned them slightly. "News" from the King of Thieves could easily be bad.

They guessed what it was immediately upon entering the Dancing Dove. The group stopped short when they saw the small woman seated in George's lap, laughing and smiling as if she belonged there. "_Buri?_" Thayet asked, the first to regain her composure. The K'miri lifted a hand and waved, grinning. "Horse Lords, Buri, what have they done to you?"

Buri laughed, sliding off George's lap. "You haven't wondered where I've disappeared too?" No one answered, but their sheepish looks satisfied her query. "No one's _done_ anything." She cast a glance over her shoulder. "Well, not anything tangible."

Alanna's violet eyes flicked to George, who just sipped from his tankard of ale. "You and… _George_?"

"I heard that," the Rogue called lazily. "What's so wrong about it?"

Alanna looked between the two of them. "I don't know," she admitted, frowning slightly. "I just never would have… expected it."

"Life is full of surprises," George reminded her with a wink.

"That it is."

* * *

The night of Thom's Ordeal, Alanna's dreams returned. She rarely had them anymore, which was a shame. She had grown quite used to seeing glimpses of her other life.

_Tonight, Alanna was not watching herself, but rather experiencing. She was in a stone room, and an image was spreading against one wall. It was filled with colors and shapes, but they did not resolve into the picture they seemed to form. It remained hazy, even when she squinted. When she reached out, the haze felt like cloth under her fingers. She tried to tear a hole, ignoring the pain as the fine threads cut up her hands. She collapsed onto her knees as the image cleared._

_A triumphant, smiling Roger stood beside Jonathan's bed. Alanna's prince lay on it, his hands crossed on his chest, and a crown on his head. Jon was whiter than marble, the white of death. Laughing soundlessly, Roger took the crown from Jonathan's head and put it on his own. Alanna threw herself at the image, feeling sick to her stomach._ No!_ she tried to scream, to no avail. Why couldn't she speak? She pounded her fists on the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks._

Alanna sat up in bed, breathing hard. Reaching up, she discovered her face was wet. She looked around the room. _What_ was_ that?_ she thought, fighting to slow down her breathing. _Duke Roger? Dead Jonathan?_ Part of her wanted to leap out of bed and race to Jonathan's room to be sure he was all right, but she knew he was waiting with Thom. She felt restless, and was sure she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Alanna swung her legs out from under the covers, squeaking as her bare feet hit the cold stone floor. She wrapped herself in a dressing gown, lit a candle, and wandered the halls until the found the door she was looking for.

A rumpled Raoul answered the door. "Alanna?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doing here? What time is it?"

"Late," she answered. "Can I come in?"

He hesitated, unsure. "Why?"

"I had a dream," she admitted, cheeks coloring. "I can tell you about it, but I'm not sure you'd believe me. I just need to be with someone. I'm not sure I can go back to sleep."

He nodded, stepping aside to let her through. "Oh, by the way?" He turned around at the sound of her voice. "I love you."

* * *

Alanna overslept. She could have killed Raoul for making her miss Thom's emergence from the Chamber of the Ordeal. He left her a note admitting he wanted to let her sleep, after all the time she'd lost during the night. _You won't want to see him come out of the Chamber,_ the note told her. _He won't look at all like himself. I'll come back to get you for lunch. Don't leave._

Don't leave. Please. Who did he think she was?

She borrowed a pair of his hose – far too big and long for her – and one of his shirts. She looked ridiculous. The clothes were far too large for her, and she wasn't sure she wanted to magic them, in case he had some special connection to them. Shrugging away her concern, she left to find Duke Roger, who had some explaining to do.

Alanna knocked on the door of his study. "Your Grace?" she called. "Are you in?" No answer. She knocked again. "Your Grace?" She knocked a bit harder, only to discover the door was open. Startled, she nudged it.

Then she wished she hadn't.

* * *

_Another recap chapter. This story will wind down soon, but not before we get a couple weddings. I'm considering a sequel, actually. I have some ideas for it already. Hope you enjoyed it! Oh, and, by the way, the cliffhanger may not be resolved until Friday. I have graduation tomorrow, and a party on Thursday. I missed being evil. (:_


	21. Twenty

**TWENTY**

_**June 438, six months later**_

"Are you sure you have to leave?" Alanna asked, frowning as she watched from the doorway as Raoul packed. He nodded without turning to look at her.

"I told you – I have patrols."

"I _know_ that." Alanna rolled her eyes. "But remind me again why I can't come?"

Raoul turned and met her eyes, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. "Because you-" he crossed the room to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her, "have a wedding to plan, my darling."

"Don't call me that," she told him, unable to hold back a smile.

"Darling. Sweetheart. Buttercup." He kissed her again. "Apple of my eye, light of my life-"

"_Stop_." She giggled and pushed him away. "Don't you have to pack?"

"I suppose." He glanced back at his things. "Or I could put off packing a bit longer and spend some quality time with my betrothed." He lifted her left hand and kissed it. She smiled as the ring caught the light.

"You could _not_ put off packing," a voice commented. Alanna turned in Raoul's arms to see a smiling Jonathan. "As I recall, you're supposed to be on the road before midday. And it is nearly midday."

"Aw, Jon." Raoul pretended to pout, holding Alanna closer. "Why would you spoil my goodbye?"

"You're lucky I came," he said. "Thom is on the warpath wanting to know where you and Gary are."

"These new knights." Raoul shook his head. "Always so anxious to get places. Don't they realize it's better to delay?"

"Roger must be busy," Alanna commented, stepping away from Raoul. "You should finish packing. I would hate my brother to kill you. That would spoil our relationship."

"Oh, wonderful." Raoul returned to his packing with a sigh as his friends stood in the doorway. "So he's going to be sour the whole time?"

"Probably." Alanna smiled.

"You aren't going to be like that while Raoul's gone, are you?" Jonathan asked her. "Because we may need to lock you away if you are."

"Shut up," she told him with a saccharine smile. "It's not like you'll have any time to notice. Isn't your wedding coming up?"

"Don't remind me." Jonathan made a face. "It's all my mother seems to talk about anymore."

"When is it again?" Raoul wanted to know, closing the last of his packs. "I just want to be sure we'll be back."

"You will be," Jon assured him. "And it's in August."

"Right before your birthday," Alanna said with a smile. "What a birthday gift!"

"Don't even _think_ about making it a joint gift," he teased. "I'm the Crown Prince. I expect presents from my subjects."

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. If you were that kind of prince, none of us would be friends with you."

"How can you resist?" His blue eyes met hers and she blushed, knowing she had no good comeback.

"It's easier than you'd think," Raoul chimed in happily. "Seeing as how Thom resisted for four years."

"Why do I associate with either of you?" he asked, shaking his head.

"How can you resist?" Alanna asked, eyes twinkling. Their eyes met again, but this time she held them. Raoul glanced between the two, wondering not for the first time if his betrothed was truly over the prince.

"I am late," Jonathan said, finally breaking the moment. "I promised Thayet I would meet her for a ride. I'll blame you two, if that's all right with you."

"It's not, but I'm sure you'll do it anyway." Raoul grinned. He and his old friend clasped hands, pulling their bodies toward each other and clapping each other on the back. Alanna recognized it as the hug men gave each other, and rolled her eyes. _Men_, she thought. _Why can't they hug like normal people?_

* * *

_Do you see the resolution to the cliffhanger buried in there? If not, let me know and I'll enclose it in your review reply. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I think the weddings will come next, and then I'll wrap this story up. It's losing steam a bit. Thanks so much for reading! _


	22. Twenty One

**TWENTY-ONE**

_**31 August 438**_

Twenty-two-year old Jonathan of Conté smoothed invisible wrinkles in his royal blue tunic. He frowned at his reflection. "It's all wrong," he muttered, tugging at the hem. "I look awful." Gareth of Naxen, his cousin, best friend, and lead attendant rolled his eyes, but said nothing. If this was Jonathan looking awful, then Gary himself was an ogre. "Thayet is going to run screaming."

"Oh, shut up," Thom of Trebond snapped from his position on the bed. Jonathan asked Thom to be his other attendant once Thayet chose Alanna. They agreed it would be sweet to see the twins walk with each other. "You look fine. If Thayet runs screaming, it will be because she heard you moaning about your looks in the mirror."

Jonathan met the young knight's violet eyes in the mirror. "You can be replaced," he warned. "Raoul is all prepared."

"So go get him," Thom retorted. "I don't want to do this anyway. Haven't I spent enough time attending to you?"

"Will you _both_ shut up?" Gary asked. "The two of you argue like an old married couple, and it's rather grating. I dealt with this for four years. If it is going to continue longer, I suggest Thom be sent to the most distant outpost possible."

* * *

Thayet _jian_ Wilima squeaked as Alanna of Trebond tightened the laces on her bodice. "Not so tight!" she said. "I'm going to have to _breathe_, you know!"

"If you can whine, you can breathe," Buriram Tourakom remarked casually from her spot leaned up against the wall. "And everyone will think it's sweet and romantic if you faint at the sight of Jonathan."

"You aren't very helpful," Thayet said, glaring at her former bodyguard. "Are you going to be of any use at all?"

"I'm carrying your train, aren't I?" Buri asked. "You know how much I hate these things. I wasn't raised to carry trains and say nice things." She looked down at her pale green dress. "Not to mention I look like a fool."

"You do not," Alanna told her. "We aren't supposed to look good anyway. Today's about Thayet and Jonathan, not us."

"Every day is about them." Buri rolled her neck and cracked her spine. "Today it's just official."

* * *

"If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, let them speak now." The priest and priestess surveyed the courtiers gathered for the royal wedding. Raoul of Goldenlake allowed his black eyes to drift to his betrothed, standing near Thayet. He noticed her violet eyes on Prince Jonathan, not the priest and priestess. _Please don't say anything,_ he prayed. _Please don't say anything_. The moment passed and no one spoke. He released the breath he did not know he held. No matter how many times Alanna and Jonathan assured him they felt nothing but friendship for each other, he could not fully trust them.

As Jonathan kissed his bride, Alanna felt tears sting her eyes. She saw so much love in his eyes when he looked at the princess. As much as she loved Raoul, some small part of her mourned for Jonathan's loved-filled blue eyes. That same small part longed for the danger of her affair with Jonathan, and treasured each dream that gave her a glimpse of her life as a knight of Tortall. The small part that continued to rebel against Court life, that told her to gallop away from the palace in search of adventure. But the larger, more reasonable part made her look at Raoul and smile. Raoul was safe and warm. He made her feel beautiful, even standing next to the most beautiful woman in the world. His wink sent pleasant warmth through her body, and made the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile. _This lady thing isn't so bad,_ she thought, taking her brother's arm to follow the prince and princess out.

* * *

_**17 October 438**_

Alanna and Raoul's wedding was smaller, with only their closest friends in attendance – Gary and Cythera, Alex and Delia, Jonathan and Thayet, and even George and Buri. Thom was the only one who attended alone. "I don't want to subject Roger to your stares," he said by way of explanation. "It isn't as if our romance is public knowledge."

The Priestess held up a ribbon and the couple offered their left hands. "Here before witnesses," she recited, her words sending a shiver down Alanna's spine, "and have sworn vows to each other. With this ribbon, I bind them to the vows that they each have made. However, this binding is not tied, so that neither is restricted by the other, and the binding is only enforced by both their wills."

Thayet, engaged in the ceremony, did not notice her husband's blue eyes linger on Alanna, whose eyes did not for a moment leave Raoul's. Jonathan momentarily forgot Thayet sat beside him and lost himself in the memories of his time with Alanna – times both romantic and not. Some part of him still loved her, and wondered if they could have worked after all. He loved his wife deeply, but he knew he would never truly forget the fiery redhead now married to one of his best friends.

"So mote it be," he said with everyone else at the end. Raoul and Alanna kissed, and everyone cheered. As she walked down their aisle, her eyes met Jonathan's. They nodded subtly to each other, neither revealing that they had the same thought at each other's wedding: _what if it were us?_

* * *

_I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the epilogue. I'm trying to wrap it up, and not introduce too much more into the plot right before the end. I will do what I can to leave the epilogue as both a conclusion and an open ending, since I do want to write a sequel, but I can't guarantee it. Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it. Drop a review if you haven't!_


	23. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

_**October 440**_

In the Tortallan palace in Corus, Princess Thayet screamed in agony, causing her pacing husband to jump. "That didn't sound right," he said, frowning and moving toward the door. "Perhaps I should go in –"

"Don't," Raoul warned. "She'll rip your head off." For a moment it seemed Jonathan would go in anyway, but Raoul held his blue eyes steady. Finally, the prince relented with a sigh. "Just wait."

Thayet screamed again, nearly crushing Buri's hand. The small woman glared at Alanna, who sat on the side, being weeks from giving birth herself. "I hate you," Buri informed the petite redhead.

"Don't," Alanna told her, wincing. "That'll be me soon enough."

Buri looked at the sweating Thayet and made a face. "Lucky you."

Two hours later, Jonathan and Raoul, joined by Gary and Thom, heard a baby's cry. The prince collapsed against the wall, sliding until he sat on the floor. He rested his head in his hands and began to weep. Raoul awkwardly patted his friend's shoulder. Alanna emerged from the room, holding her belly and smiling. Jonathan looked up. "Well don't you look attractive," she teased. He growled at her and she laughed. "Oh, calm down, will you? She's fine. You have a son, by the way."

His eyes were bright. "A son?"

"Was I not clear?" Alanna raised an eyebrow. "Yes, a son. What are you going to call him? Thayet wants to know. She says she'll let you name your heir, but she's going to name the next one."

"Oh, I…" He looked bewildered. His friends chimed in.

"Thom."

"Gareth."

"Raoul."

Jonathan shot his friends a look before turning his gaze back to Alanna. "What do you think?"

"Well, not Raoul, clearly," she said, winking at her husband. "Roald might be nice – after your father. Maybe Liam, for your mother, since it's close to Lianne… Kind of…"

Jonathan stood up, dusting off the seat of his breeches. "Jasson," he said. "For my grandfather."

Alanna nodded and stepped aside. "Go tell her that." He practically knocked Buri over on his way in. She rolled her eyes and exited, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

Exactly one month later, Alanna lay screaming in the palace with Thayet holding her hand. Unlike the princess, Alanna used the most colorful swear words in her vocabulary. Raoul paced outside, a grim smile on his face. "That's my girl," he told the gathered friends.

"How ladylike," Thom snorted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lady Marinie. I didn't recognize you," Raoul retorted. Thom shuddered and kept his mouth shut. Jonathan patted the bigger knight's shoulder. Raoul smiled at him.

A baby shrieked. Raoul looked shocked. "That was fast," he said, looking at Thom. "Is it… the magic… thing?"

"I don't know," Thom admitted with a shrug. "I became a knight, not a mage, remember?"

Thayet emerged, brushing the black hair back from her face. "You have a little girl," she told Raoul. "Alanna says you're going to call her Mara, for –"

"Maude," Thom said knowingly. "It sounds similar, but less…" He grinned. "Like Maude."

Raoul nodded. "Can I go in?" Thayet stepped aside, and Raoul brushed past her, bursting into tears at the sight of Alanna holding his daughter.

* * *

Somewhere in the Divine Realms, the Great Mother Goddess smiled. "Jasson and Mara," she said, a smile playing on her lips. "Yes, that might work."

* * *

_Thank you so much for reading this story! Be on the lookout for the sequel. My deepest appreciation to everyone who took time to review and give their feedback on each chapter. I'm not sure when the sequel will be up, or what plotline I have, so look for something new in between. Again, thank you so much._


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